I’ve given up on you. I don’t want to know where this is going.
You’re like the mole on my shoulder that’s getting bigger and I refuse to look at anymore.
Name to me one instance of fun in the first three episodes. Do days normally go by on Caprica without a single moment of laughter? Maybe the Cylons put those emo, hat wearing slouches out of their misery.

Note: People like characters that they can identify with and care about.
Who is likeable so far?
Mopey diva mom whose character so far is 1) skinny 2) irritable
Dickish Steve Jobs dad who so far is 1) kinda good with computers 2) idiotic in everything else
Judgmental dickish prodigy girl who is Pollyanna/Avatar/Clunky Robot
Judgmental dickish prude wierdo girl
Low energy bad lawyer
Two bit parody of a mafia thug
Judgmental drug addict fundamentalist school teacher

The first three episodes have been like Dark Shadows meets Depressed Buck Rogers.
“Let’s sit around and mourn kids who we either know nothing about or probably wouldn’t want to know.”

Next time you start up a series, have some gripping and compelling drama with high stakes start it off.
(Like you did with BSG!)
Not focus on a group of Fundamentalist Church Youth Group Nerds and technical musing.

Caprica is a boring planet where everything seems inconsequential and ’smart’ people act dumb when its convenient to the story.

The purpose of this blog is to get you ready for the second most important day of your life–the first being the day you drank those four quarts of bleach. I want to convey to you 1) the great urgency in the world 2) urgency I personally feel for a bathroom 3) the atmosphere of urgency I want to create so that you could be compelled to make a horrible life decision about religion.

Everything the Bible declares has the full authority of God Himself. How do I know that the Bible is true? The Bible says it’s true. How do I know that Superman is stronger than Bizarro? The comics tell me so. How do I know that the transmissions I receive in my head are the voices of Frank Capra and Eugene O’Neill? They said so.

Now, at this time, information is coming forth from the Bible through me through this blog which all clearly reveal God’s plan for Judgment Day, the end of the world, and the International Beer Festival in Frankenmuth Michigan.

The Bible has opened up slowly it’s milky white pages and parted it’s silky smooth bindings to reveal it’s delicate and sweet sweet secrets to me.
This information was never previously known because God had been coy and kept the blossom of his Word pure until now.

It has become very obvious to the serious student of the Bible, meaning every highschool drop out who has read The Bible Code and watched the movie The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe that we are now living in the last few days of earth’s history. The history of the Moon is ending soon too. Sorry, lunar rover.

The Bible’s calendar of history is completely accurate and trustworthy. I have removed my iCalendar function from my computer and now rely solely on Nahum and Habukkuk to remind me when my electroshock therapy is scheduled so that I can ‘accidentally’ be out of town and miss the appointment.

Since this Bible calendar is given by God in His Word, it can be trusted wholeheartedly.
So can it’s recipes. Have you ever had honey and locusts? Try it!

I highly recommend that you obtain a free copy of the book “We Are Almost There!” by writing to the following address: Family Stations, Inc., 290 Hegenberger Rd., Oakland, CA 94621.
If you are too busy to mail an envelope as you get ready for the end of the world, i.e. building a bombshelter, screaming on sidewalks, or shamefully crying over your recent masturbation session to the Mormon Tabernacle DVD your Grandmother gave you, get more apocalyptic know-how at: www.familyradio.com.

The Times Of Every Important Event In History

11,013 BC—Creation.  God creates the world and Adam.
11,o13 BC–God creates woman from Adam’s rib.
11,039 BC–Another hole is tried out and Cain is born.

4990 BC—The flood of Noah.  Everybody dies in a worldwide flood.  Only Noah, his milf wife, and his 3 sons and their swappable wives survive in the boat along with dinosaurs, buffalo, dodos, and dragons (6023 years from creation). Frannie Mickelsen tragically dies at the age of 9 after just learning how to doggy paddle really good.

7 BC—The year Jesus H. Christ is born (11,006 years from creation). NOT 4 AD. Seriously. And on Christmas Day. Seriously.

33 AD—The year Jesus H. Christ goes on vacation to India and gets food poisoning and dies.
(11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).

1988 AD—This year ended the church age and Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up tops the charts (13,000 years from creation). Seriously.

1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the greater tribulation came to an end and Here Comes the Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze makes number one on the Billboard charts (13,006 years from creation). Seriously. I’m not making this shit up.

2011 AD—On May 21st, Frankenmuth Michigan will host their Annual World Expo of Beer!
http://www.frankenmuthfestivals.com/
http://www.worldexpoofbeer.com/expo/

Hello Taylor Swift. Its me.
I’m just taking some time away from my cauldron to thank you for the Grammys performance.
It’s great to finally have the video proof that singing talent just isn’t what it used to be.

Did I bet my friends 4 boxes of patchouli incense that I would rock your small world?
Let’s just say that the layer of mist coming towards you isn’t an evil skunk Weather Machine created fog.

What a joy it was to cringe near you as you gyrated and howled! It reminded me of the time I dated a white belt in Karate who had tourettes. I imagine that if you shared dinner the way you ’share’ a stage, you’d pull the half chewed couscous from my mouth and then make your ’sexy’ face while stabbing your fork into my neck.
By the way, I can’t make your BBQ party this weekend. I’d made arrangements for a seance that conflicts. I’ll be trying to resurrect your future career.

But in all seriousness, I really do want to thank you for allowing me to be the last person to perform with you. Because after people see the mockery you made of yourself and told me through body language that you wanted me to hide behind the backup singers, no one except maybe Lindsay Lohan will ever come close to you again. And Lindsay will only be approaching you to ask for money and Vagisil.

I have no hard feelings towards you. I hope to see you on page 48 of Teen People striking your best “I’m a down home idiot” pose often.

Oh and you know how people say “Don’t quit your day job?” you should quit your day job.
Pick up a night shift at a Jamba Juice or somewhere you won’t be asked to sing and if you do sing they’ll have a walk in refrigerator they can lock you in.

Yours, Stevie 

David Brooks has become the most recent but surely not the last in a long line of Avatar critics who level the charge of the film portraying the “White Messiah” narrative. I submit that Brooks’ analysis fails on a number of levels.

First, Brooks’ reiteration of the White Messiah critique of Avatar fails in originality. There have been numerous articles written almost verbatim before him including Annalee Newitz to whom I responded to here:

http://mindflowers.net/2009/12/22/thoughts-upon-avatar-and-response-to-annalee-newitz/

Secondly Brooks gives no idea of what consequences he would expect from the viewing audience (potential and realized). He writes: “Avatar is a racial fantasy par excellence…It’s just escapism, obviously, but benevolent romanticism can be just as condescending as the malevolent kind…” That sounds like a pretty serious charge. Are we to not see the movie? Protest it? Are considerate viewers to be encouraged to educate others about post-colonialism, systemic racism, the history of race in film? Brooks gives no hints at redemption for this film. As I am a movie lover and also a person committed to social justice and anti-racism, I take great joy in finding ways to lead viewers to make tough critical decisions about films and ‘redeem’ them through analysis. This can mean thinking through how the story fails, but also how it can still lead to positive and change-making dialogues. I feel that Brooks’ article commits a common misstep in throwing out a charge of cultural insensitivity without offering new inroads towards positive action, dialogue, or thought. Brooks stays at the (sophomoric) thesis level of ‘this phenomenon exits’. Does his list of six movies including Fern Gully create evidence that these films are alike in disparaging of non-European cultures? This is connected then to my first point: the White Messiah charge is already a tired thread on the internet. What else can a person say about this film besides a quick-reference meme tag, or Hollywood in general that may lead towards true effective and just post-colonial work?

Third, and most importantly, Brooks must misrepresent the film to the point of fabrication to fit it into his pre-conceived mold. I will explain below the statements he makes that lead me to wonder if he saw the film at all or just didn’t watch closely.

Now let me state where I do agree with Brooks. I agree with his spirit and the sentiment of where he is coming from. American big-production house movies have almost a 100% failure record as far as their depictions of cultures that deviate from the white-privileged mainstream. This is not only in issues of race, but of course gender, class, religion, LGBTQ communities, ‘outlaw’ sexuality, etc. I also am in full agreement that white folk have largely just not ‘got it’ as far as how to engage in anti-imperial, post-colonial, anti-racist work.

I will also add that I do feel that the process of greater justice will be greatly quickened through the work of allies, inclusive solidarity movements, and finding connections between oppressions of race, class, gender identities, spectrum of abilities, etc.

I applaud for Brooks listing some more movies than just ‘Dances with Wolves’ and ‘Last Samurai’ that qualify as White Messiah films beginning with ‘A Man Called Horse’. Leaving behind the need of a clear comparison of Avatar with these films (I’m sure by reason of space constraint) we are left to take Brooks’ (and multitudes of others) word for it. These movies are White Messiah narratives.

How are we to interpret White Messiah or White Savior charges? Are Jake Sully of Avatar or John Dunbar of DwW savior or messiah types?

In DwW, Kevin Costner’s character does what that is savior type? He joins the group, the Army finds his journal which threatens the Sioux by disclosing information about them, and then he flees into the snowy passes.

This could lead to some interesting conversations about what a messiah is and how historically savior types have been interpreted.

How about in Avatar? Is Jake Sully a messiah? Brooks is content to limit his characterization of Sully as a messiah by this kind of description: “he’s the most awesome member of their tribe. He has sex with their hottest babe. He learns to jump through the jungle and ride horses. It turns out that he’s even got more guts and athletic prowess than they do…” It doesn’t matter that this isn’t necessarily true. Even if it was, does that a messiah make? Sully does show leadership, by garnering support from the other Navi cultures and he does his part in battle. Is being a leader and warrior count as messiah? And does Brooks neglect that Sully works in relationship and support of both human and Navi allies? Is Brooks overlaying the Great Man theory unto this film also?
Or is Grace Constantine a messiah? She dies and becomes a petitioning saint in a sense, telling Eywa about the dangers posed by the invading humans.
Or is Tsu’tey the fallen Navi warrior? Or are they all messiah? As some traditions hold ‘messiah has a thousand faces’ and many individuals enact redeeming, divine action into the world.

Let me take Brooks point by point:
The formula [of White Messiah] also gives movies a little socially conscious allure.”
I would posit that Brooks’ own article has the easy veneer of ’socially conscious allure’. It gives a name to a supposed genre which will sound good to justice minded folks but gives no critical depth, and offers no countering positive input.

“Academy Award voters like it because it is so multiculturally aware.”
Part of what makes science fiction such an interesting genre for me is its ability to ask questions and remain open to multiple interpretations. Is this movie ‘about’ being multiculturally aware? Or does it ask questions of us? Does it challenge us to reflect on our histories especially the ‘minority reports’ that
nationalism and European privilege would mute? Does it challenge us to consider the future we are creating? I honestly wonder how many people who enjoy the movie have said: “I like this movie because it is multiculturally aware.”

Critics like it because the formula inevitably involves the loincloth-clad good guys sticking it to the military-industrial complex.
Does Brooks have Spartacus or Jesus in mind here? Or Rocky vs. Ivan Drago?

The peace-loving natives — compiled from a mélange of Native American, African, Vietnamese, Iraqi and other cultural fragments — are like the peace-loving natives you’ve seen in a hundred other movies.
Interesting that Brooks doesn’t mention Hebrew culture. Considering that Navi means ‘to see’ with the connection to ’seer/prophet’ in Hebrew and Eywa is obviously close to Yahweh. And how about conversations about Moses? He was another ‘in between’ identities person as a Hebrew/’Egyptian’ Prince. Can you imagine the loyalties and boundary transgressing he must have gone through?
And are the Navi peace loving? It seems that in the few Navi characters we get to know well, one is quite ready to kick the shit of Sully. Does the movie ever say that the Navi have to history of violence? They do seem to have multiple cultures separated at least by geography and specialization–can we rule out that there is no beef between these peoples?

They are phenomenal athletes and pretty good singers and dancers.
Phenomenal athletes compared to who? They’re not human. And I guess I forgot the scenes that display the Navi’s singing and dancing that was so impressive. Look. In science fiction, the aliens will have something that is understandable to us. Can you imagine a movie where an alien species we are to connect to in some way didn’t have religion, music, language, communities, physical bodies? That’s why people scratched their heads at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. There was trippy lines across the screen and a floating baby.

Along the way, he has his consciousness raised.
I suggest that Brooks take a look at this cool article about embodied cognition that states that selfhood involves at the least our entire body.

http://io9.com/5462883/the-science-fiction-of-embodied-cognition

It also explains how our the title “Our Bodies Ourselves” is really insightful: consciousness is not just floating in our brains but infuses our bodies. When we experience trauma or change to our bodies, it is not like our car getting a dent. Of course Sully’s experience in a different body, created through the DNA of his deceased brother and a Navi, would change his consciousness. Add to that the blossoming love he has for Neytiri. Add to that his experience as a wounded soldier who has seen the effects of violence and war and of course you would have a character who would be ripe for a change of worldview.

Because they are not corrupted by things like literacy, cellphones and blockbuster movies, they have deep and tranquil souls.
Are the Navi illiterate? I must have missed that scene. I don’t recall them saying that they do not have a written language. I was interested to find that in one draft of the script, Grace and Sully go to an old Navi school that had been created by the humans to teach the Navi youth, including instruction of English. Grace says something to the effect “The youth are exceptionally bright.” Was this taken out because of the history of Native American schools?
(Read more at Mindflowers about this history here:)

http://mindflowers.net/2009/01/15/did-you-know-about-indian-boarding-schools/

Again, Brooks asserts that the Navi have “deep and tranquil souls”. We see a whole lot of emotion from the Navi. It appears that they are not some species of unfeeling stoic monastics. Also. Why would the Navi want or need movies and cell phones when they have neuro-jacks directly into their heads? They have an equivalent of the internet pumped into their nervous system. There are already plenty of good articles about the possibilities of future human illiteracy due to this type of developments in technology.

“[Avatar] rests on the stereotype that white people are rationalist and technocratic while colonial victims are spiritual and athletic.”
But the humans in the film are depicted as not just white people. There are humans of different races, represented by men and women. Also, the Navi are spiritual in the way that physicists on Earth are ’spiritual’. The rules on Pandora are not those of Earth. That ecosystem operated as a cohering consciousness. The Navi evolved in that milieu and they operated within the given rules of their physiology and environment. We can also assume their athleticism is similar to a couch potato here on Earth. Is it amazing to Superman that he can fly? No he is from Krypton, his lazer vision to him is as normal as me choking on chicken bones.

Is Brooks speaking here of Star Wars? A lot of the Imperial officers were white. And they loved technology. The Jedi were not always white (Mace Windu, Ki Adi Mundi, Kit Fisto) and spiritual. And athletic. Holy shit! David Brooks is right. Star Wars is about race too.

It rests on the assumption that nonwhites need the White Messiah to lead their crusades.
Jake did do his part as leader in gathering alliances and acting as one leader in the battle. I get it. But remember what won the battle and defeated the humans: Grace Constantine told Eywa (the planet consciousness) that the humans would not stop in their destruction and presumably some tips on how to defeat the humans. A dead woman’s supplications to a godlike force won the day. Out of courage and conviction of what was right, Navi and a number of humans worked together. Isn’t this the way that social justice movements have often been framed? A power of balance and justice that is greater than humanity working with and through people of diverse backgrounds in alliance and community?
A clear and honest portrayal of what actually happens in the movie can lead to better discussion of our contemporary values and strategies for racial justice. While it is positive to critique white folks’ when they ’step in’ the way of progress (even out of the best intentions), and stop them in their tracks when they presume to have the answers about white privilege, let us continue to encourage multilateral and mutually vulnerable allied action on all fronts!

Natives can either have their history shaped by cruel imperialists or benevolent ones, but either way, they are going to be supporting actors in our journey to self-admiration.
This is a sentiment I agree with. Yes! Do I want more movies that depict alien species without a human protagonist? Yes. Do I want more movies that honestly depict the struggle for greater justice on Earth from the place of marginalized voices? Yes. We definitely need American movie goers to support movies that are written, directed, and produced by people other than rich white people.

In response to Brooks’ article this response was written to the New York Times:
The most galling line to me in this latest installment was when “the Messiah” personage was somehow able to rouse the spirits of all the animals and natural forces to choose sides and retaliate against the invasive forces — something that even the supposedly more naturally inclined natives were unable to accomplish.” –David E. Wilkins

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/opinion/l12brooks.html

And again to this I have to ask: Did the person see the movie? A dead woman, Grace Constantine told the planet consciousness about the humans and we can guess that the planet acted in its own wisdom from there. Let us not overlook the character of Grace either! She is the most interesting character to me because of the insidious threat that she herself poses as an ‘anthropologist’. Her interest in aiding the Navi originally comes from a place of scientific interest while Jake Sully’s advocacy is born of relationship, community, and love.

So let me put aside Brooks for now and continue with other Avatar thoughts:

What about the movies that Avatar gets compared to? I heard one loud voice recently saying “I thought Avatar’s story was totally a rip off of Fern Gully.” Uh uh. And of course Dances with Wolves. Are people just repeating what other people say? Or do people have a really small knowledge base of films so that every movie they see gets compared to Fern Gully? And why when people talk about DwW do they gloss over the fact that Stands With A Fist is a white woman ‘adopted’ into the Sioux culture? Isn’t the idea of multiple or liminal identities also present in Avatar?

What about Schindler’s List? There we have a German helping Jews. Was he a White Messiah by Brooks’ standards?
What about Baby? You got environmentalism and cross-species advocacy and adventure.
What about Lawrence of Arabia? The English T.E. Lawrence combating the big bad Ottoman Empire (those rationalist technocrats!) with the spiritual Arabs tribes…

If we want movies to also spark conversation about race why not also discuss
He Got Game, Mississippi Burning, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Get on The Bus, Ernest Goes to Africa, Tyler Perry’s films, Killer of Sheep, Malcolm X, Hate, …(these of course are just the tip of the iceberg of films that may be useful to beginning conversations. I know it is not a comprehensive list nor does it represent many voices)

This year’s Precious and The Blind Side also might be good starting points about race. We might start with how The Blind Side does or does not fit with David Brooks’ description of White Messiah.

Better yet, let’s look at movies that I feel really do align with Avatar: District 9, and Terminator Salvation.

In District 9, we have the theme of a human who transforms into the body of an alien species and through his experience (slowly) grows to feel empathy for their situation. This film is one of the year’s best and certainly one of the most interesting scripts I’ve seen in a long time. The question of how does one relate to sentient beings is asked. We are challenged here, as well as in Avatar to question the boundaries of our ethics and empathy. Does might make right? What are acceptable body forms? Can we learn from other ways of being? We need to start forming answers to these questions because while we may not meet Prawns or Navi anytime soon, we do interact with many cultures today and will soon be living with Artificial Intelligences and silicon based life.

In Terminator Salvation we have Mr. Jake Sully himself Sam Worthington doing a role where his identity is multiple, or liminal. Is he human or cyborg? He feels human and fights along side them, but is ‘really’ not of the human ‘tribe’. ‘Salvation’ and Avatar of course are even in their titles appealing to religious connotations. The idea of avatars appearing in different forms and Christian incarnation are all fair game with these two films. I feel that something is being said in these about the ‘limits’ of a body. How connected are we? Where is empathy born? Would Jesus have been able to understand  humanity as fully if he had not been a Meat-God?
I am so excited about the progress in the area of displacing consciousness through the work of an ‘empathy machine’ that situates a person’s perspective and sensation into the body of another. Tests have shown that people projected into bodies of age, skin color, gender, or size difference feel more empathy for those bodies upon exiting. Of course my hope is that all people would feel deep compassion for all living things without any tech assists, but I won’t say no to anything that helps…

And I will conclude on that note:
I won’t say ‘no’ to anything that helps our human situation.
And I say ‘no’ to David Brooks’ article on Avatar because I feel he is misrepresenting the film to fit a type that he does not sufficiently argue for and he offers no helpful insight further than ‘Hollywood films suck at issues of race’. If and when movies are white privileging, we film and social critics need to be clear about what we find demeaning or condescending or racist. We also must be ready to face the complexities of oppressions and not rely on simplistic labels like ‘White Messiah’ and expect the conversation to be over.

I will say ‘yes’ to anything that helps the human situation. So I will enthusiastically take feedback and dialogue about this film. As a white anti-racist ally I want to always be checked and held accountable and be a helpful voice in the movement.

The Article by David Brooks is called “The Messiah Complex” and was written for the New York Times. All quotes are from his article except where otherwise cited and can be found here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/08/opinion/08brooks.html

As you may have read, our elected leaders continue their never-ending efforts to pass some form of government subsidized widely affordable and freely chosen insurance option. Though millions of hard working Americans have spoken clearly and told the politicians that they require some form of affordable health care insurance for their families, we Tea Partiers are still not listening. We want Americans–all Americans to be independent of health insurance.

Our country is crippled by debt. That is, many hard working families have been bankrupted and medical costs represent the number one cause of bankruptcy. http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/06/05/bankruptcy.medical.bills/

Our country is also crippled by loss of healthy labor hours due to American workers missing work due to medical problems that they can’t afford to fix.
And you know what? That’s the cost of freedom. Freedom isn’t free people. Neither is the ability to receive medical attention and prescriptions.
We want all Americans to be independent–from the option of affordable insurance.

Despite the Tea Partiers’ misportrayal of the health care option many Americans believe that health insurance reform is needed because of bloated costs and huge bureaucracies.

Our elected officials seem unable to get a handle on their fiscal obesity, and it appears they are committed to a course of national economic suicide.
So we say: “Allow our nation’s children to continue in their world leading obesity and diabetes! And give us the freedom to have our depression untreated giving rise to higher rates of suicide!
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/state-ranking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate

Government size and spending will be overlooked when the military is concerned. Keep those wars a comin’!

Tea Party Patriots stand for individual responsibility. If you get cancer–go fuck yourself.
Tea Party Patriots stand for constitutionally limited government. We’ll be asking to repeal the VA, Medicare, and Social Security Benefits soon. Not to mention state subsidized programs.
Tea Party Patriots stand for free markets. We want our money to go to for profit corporations via bloated, greedy, and out of control insurance companies.
None of the proposed bills even remotely fall within our core values.

We Tea Party Patriots will represent health insurance options as:
“Government taking over our health care” and that would not be smaller, limited government.
Even though government would not be ‘taking over’ health care but really providing an affordable insurance option to working middle class Americans, we still don’t like the sound of it.
We want independence from compassion.
We want independence from options.

Eighty percent of Americans know a friend, family member, or neighbor who has lost their job.
And 21 to 31 million Americans are uninsured.
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/content/38/12/1.2.full

Taking leadership is a patriot trait.
That’s why we’re determined to lead America down a road of opposing anything that looks like affordable options for health insurance for middle class working families.

The Tea Party Patriot will always stand ready to stand in the way of at least 21 million Americans getting healthy and back to work. Because that’s the obstinant, inhumane, and INDEPENDENT thing to do.

Redistributing Knowledge
http://redistributingknowledge.blogspot.com/2010/01/declaration-of-health-care-indepence.html

Tea Party Patriots
http://teapartypatriots.org/StateOfTheUnionResponse/Default.aspx

NPR on Liberty Belle
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123229743

I care a lot about the environment. I think about it with my heart racing. Especially when my sweaty palms are gripping my sawed off shotgun and I’m face to face with an aardvark.
Nature is cruel. Ask anybody who’s been mauled by a mountain lion or had a bacterial infection before the discovery of penicillin in 1928–sorry gramma. 

Whenever I go to Starbucks for my morning or afternoon mocha latte with whipped cream, I walk to the garbage can and recycling bin with my empty cup and think: ”What would be the best thing to do for the environment?” and then I think: “What has the environment ever done for me?” and I throw the cup in the grass outside.  

People talk about taking care of Mother Nature like she’s some kindly old Mother Theresa who needs us to ladle warm soup into her toothless mouth. In reality, this is the woman that just killed my friend in an avalanche and gave me rabies (not avalanche related). The minute you turn your back on Nature, you’re liable to get sprayed, stung, hurricaned, tar-pitted, gored, parasited, or bestialitied. I have several cases pending where I’m seeking damages and compensation from bestiality. If you’re reading this, ostrich–My lawyers have committed to take this to civil court!

So until the environment starts showing me respect, it can expect me to never ‘let it mellow if its yellow’.

h0m-R crooned before the Gods:

Ulysses sat at his giant desk slurping a lip scorching half caf mocha soy latte as his Number Four clone Gary paced back and forth on the koala skin rug.
“Ithaca’s opinion poll numbers are dropping, Uly. People are not happy with the direction the City is going. At this rate, we’ll have to open another gladiatorial arena next week.”
“How are our approval ratings among gladiators doing?”
“Bad. We losing at least one per performance.”
“Dammit. They’re some of my biggest voter base Gary!”
“Well…We could tell them to fight less….mortally.”
“No, that’ll never do. With all their forced video game playing regimens their agression levels are out of control at this point.”
Gary braced himself for either a tongue lashing or verbal abuse:
“Your Majesty…”
“Out with it Gary! I can see that you’re nervous. Remember I know you like myself.”
“Well, some of us have been thinking that we could work to improve your image…stir up voter approval.”
“That’s a much better idea than that crap you suggested last week…what was it?”
“The idea that you could change your policies to help the people of Ithaca?”
“Yeah. That was crap.”
“Admittedly, yessir. That was crap.”
“Change my image…Like lose weight?”
“Oh gods, Uly no! Just rebrand you. For example, we’ll release some official statements that you are ‘husky’ and ‘keeping up a healthy appetite’ stuff like that.”
“And what about when I piss on people’s legs?”
“We’ll tell them it’s raining.”
Ulysses put his fingertips together. “Excellent.”

A week later, Gary ushered into Ulysses’ office a tall thin woman with a face chiseled out of acid rain bleached stone.
“King Ulysses, the Great and Terrible!” Gary announced.
Ulysses pushed a few buttons behind his desk which triggered fireworks, a Pink Floyd lazerlight show, and the release of several dozen doves which were then quickly sucked up by the room’s hovering Roomba.
“If it pleases your Kingness, I offer myself and my services to you.” The woman bowed.
“I like where this is going.” Ulysses muttered and his Kowakian monkey-lizard court-jester Fallacious Crumb cackled.
“I am Clarice Starling. I am here to ask you some questions.” She said with an accent that sounded like a Wytheville Virginia IHOP waitress who’d been eating Silly Putty and downers throughout her graveyard shift.
“You must be from the advertising agency we hired to rebrand me! Welcome!”
Clarice tried to object, but before she knew it, Ulysses had her wrapped under his arm and was shuttling her out the door.

“Allow me to show off the beautiful land we call ‘Ithaca’.” Uly said grandly to Clarice as they slowly glided among skyscrapers in a golden gondola. “It is a land flowing with milk and honey. The milk has not been FDA approved yet, and ‘honey’ is what we call black tar heroin.”
“Mr. Groan…” Clarice started.
“Please, Clarice. Call me Uly.”
“Please, Uly. Call me Ms. Starling.”
“Please. Only platonic friends and professional relations call you Ms. Starling. I’ll call you Clara-Bell.”
“How long is this gondola ride and where is it taking us?”
“Life is about the journey. Not the destination. Or at least that’s what I tell my lizard monkeys when I take them to the veterinarian.”

They walked the parapets of the astronomy tower and gazed upon the shining city of Ithaca.
“Well Clarice–have the hams stopped screaming?”
“What?!”
“Your hams…hamstrings? Have your hamstrings stopped screaming after climbing all those stairs?”
“Oh. Then yes. They have.”
“Clarice, you’ve got to help me. My city is slowly turning on me. I’ve got to find a way back into their good graces.”
“What about your wife? Maybe you should first think of her. If you can have a healthy relationship with her, maybe other things will fall into place.”
“I married Penelope so I wouldn’t have to worry about personal relationships or my physical appearance anymore. She”ll stick by be through thick and thin. I’ve no doubt about that.”
Clarice held her gaze on him as his face congealed into stubbornness and self-chosen ignorance.

Later that night Ulysses and Penelope had retired to their bed chamber and were readying to get into their hybernation tubes. Penelope was reading a cheap romance novel and Ulysses was nursing a cognac from the breast of an alcohol servo-droid.
“How’d it get on at the office dear?” Penelope asked in her routine manner without looking up from the yellowing pages. 
“Horrible. Just horrible. It turns out the woman who was going to be our Public Relations and Marketing developer was really a Federal Agent investigating me for tax evasion.”
“Oh! That was how they finally got Al Capone.” She looked up albeit briefly.
“That’s what she told me too.”  
“So what happened?”
“The transporter beam got ‘accidentally’ turned off halfway through her trip back to Athens and now her brain is in a grecian urn and the rest of her is in a cask of amontillado.”
“Convenient.” She snorted.
A few minutes later….”Uly, why were you hiring a Marketing director?”
She met a silence which usually meant he was calculating a lie but this time was different: he was mustering resolve to tell the truth.
“The City’s opinion poll shows I’m down into a 70% approval rating.”
“Ulysses S. Groan!”
“I know. I know. That’s no way to rule as an iron fisted tyrant.”
“That’s not what I was going to say. Ulysses. I was going to say–It doesn’t matter what Ithaca thinks of you. It matters what you think of you.”
“Oh god here we go….” he muttered and Fallacious Crumb cackled from behind the folding Japanese changing screen.
“If you are doing the best you can for the people of Ithaca, then you have nothing to worry about. A clean conscience is the best reward.”
“I’ve got it….”
Penelope was about to smile when Ulysses finished his thought–
“We’ll find a way to go to war! Everybody loves a good ol’ fashioned war!”
“Oh god here we go…” she muttered and Fallacious Crumb fell asleep.

Almost ten years ago, close friend Patrick Ness showed me his copy of A People’s History of the United States: 1492-Present. I was immediately struck with the power and saintliness of Zinn’s research and perspective.

Through the years, I found Zinn to be taking a place among my favorite perennial thinkers like Cornell West, Erich Fromm, Noam Chomsky, bell hooks, and Mark C Taylor.

It was a great and sad loss when yesterday, January 27, saw Howard Zinn’s passing.
I will remember him for his courage, his commitment to humanity, his pacifism, and his ability to awake me to new narratives of history.

Penelope was not his first love or even his love. She was his wife.
In the morning he would walk with coffee in hand past her bedroom and peek in to see her lying there under mounds of horribly colored bed covers. Ulysses would then shuffle out to the front gate and pick up the morning paper with a grunt that grew louder with each year’s gained weight. Glancing at the above the fold, he would see how the world was winding down. When she awoke she’d find the paper laid next to her, with the articles critical of him clipped out. This warmed her as it said that he still cared what she thought of him.

She thought little of him. As most do their spouses. Any person cowardly enough to accept the terms of betrothal laid them at the uninteresting and tedious altar of ‘true love’. And Penelope could have none of that. What she did love of him was his complete disregard for sense. Some chose to be selective in their senselessness and this trait was called ‘romanticism’. For Ulysses, there was only nonsense. A strict and unrelenting diet of madness, selfishness, and brain melting illogic. This made him triumphant in her eyes, the perfect leader and King.

Penel0pe and Ulysses met in high school when they were bathed in hormones. It was a Tuesday during the weekly high school hormone therapy bath. Of course, like all people bound to get married, they were absolutely wrong for each other. For the first years of schooling together, they would pass each other in hall with their own judgments: Penelope thinking that his shoulders slumped too much and that his gawkish maw could only look forward to being framed in a Haz-Mat suit working on sewage spills. Ulysses thought her hips too narrow and her breasts too little.

It was only when their son Telemachus time travelled from the future and played electric guitar at their school’s “Enchantment Under The Sea” dance that they were magically if not temporal-paradoxically brought together.

Their first kiss happened in health class while they were participating in a ‘buddy check’ colonoscopy.
They laid on the classroom floor in the figure of a caduceus and fed camera cables into each other.
Ulysses’ eyes left the monitor and gazed into Penelope’s face. This is why here polyps went undetected.
“Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I’m all right.”
Penelope jammed another two feet of cord into his rectum, pinching her hand.
“Occasionally” she grimaced, “maybe…when you aren’t acting like an ignoramus.”
“Ignoramus? Ignoramus? I like the sound of that.”
Ulysses began to massage her tender and puckered sphincter.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
Penelope’s face flushed with anger.
“Stop that! My b-hole is dirty.”
“My hands are dirty, too. What are you afraid of?”
Penelope looked into his glazed and bloodshot eyes. “Afraid?”
Ulysses loosened up and, using his dextrous rectal control, sucked in another foot of fiber optic camera.
“You’re trembling.” He said, just over a whisper.
“I’m not trembling.”
“You like me because I’m an ignoramus. There aren’t enough ignoramuses in your life.”
“I happen to like people who are not douchebags.”
“I’m a person who is not a douchebag.”
“No you’re not, you’re…” But her words were silenced by his lips.
They kissed deeply, gently, full of ridiculuous teenaged tongue action.
Just then the Health Teacher Droid stepped over them announcing: “Children, children! Remember to isolate the reverse flux power coupling!”

She gave him the best years of her life. He gave her cold sores.
They shared in the best and worst life had to offer. The best: wealth and fame. The worst: culturally expected monogamy….That is at least for the first year of marriage before Ulysses found the most honest joy marriage had to offer–cheating.

Penelope knew that he had his ‘dalliances’. Everyone did. She appreciated that he tried to hide his mistresses in the same way she appreciated his saying “sorry!” when he heard her fall into a toilet whose seat he’d neglected to put back down.
He thought of her as a Queen: nice to bring to parties and show off to dignitaries.
She thought of him as a pet turtle. No fun to be around and the possibility of being killed by his poop salmonella.

It was the voting block’s expectations of a nuclear family that had brought them together, but in the end, it was their devoted love that kept them together.

Remember when the United Church of Christ (UCC ) wanted to air a commercial during 2004’s Super Bowl and CBS shot them down citing a
‘non-controversial ad policy’?
You’re not the only one. Millions of Christians around the country do also.
Now it turns out the CBS will air a commercial backed by Focus on the Family with a ‘pro-family, pro-life’ message.
Nothing goes better with nachos and football than shaming, anti-choice, anti-privacy, anti-family rhetoric!
Yes. I did say anti-family. Many women in families have chose to have abortions. They are not ‘less than’ any other woman.

Write CBS today to let them know that preferential treatment towards religious fundamentalism is not okay. This is not about squelching the freedom of speech, this is about adhering to a consistent ‘non-controversy policy’.

Here’s my letter to CBS:
CBS:
Your choice to disallow the UCC commercial in 2004 but okay the
Focus on the Family ‘Tim Tebow’ commercial during the 2010 Superbowl
is hypocritical.
You are leaving millions of Christians no choice but to
assume you support religious fundamentalism and show
preferential treatment to radicalism (false and damaging
information about LGBTQ communities, anti-privacy sentiments).
Millions of Christians will be motivated to contact sponsors
to withdraw support of your programming if you do not
come to a just and fair action in this matter.

Next, let CBS sponsors know that you’ll put your money where your mouth is.

Ryan McGivern

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