I can’t walk down the street nowadays without people recognizing me as
“That Ejaculate Guy”.

That’s cool. Everybody needs an image.

On my last trip to the sperm bank, I got sat down and given the “sperm health” talk.
I found out from the lovely nurse/sperm wrangler the following:

1) A moderate amount of caffeine in your diet can actually improve sperm activity.
2) More than 20 drinks of alcohol a week will degrade sperm health. I’ll be safe and keep it at 19.
3) Staying well hydrated and eating well helps sperm count and health. Exercise too.
4) Sperm need 2-3 days after an ejaculation to rebuild to full amount.
5) However, after 5 days of not ejaculating, your sperm count will begin to falter as your sperm gets old. 
6) Drugs and steroids will hurt your sperm. Just say no to sperm hurt.
7) Hot tubs, saunas, and fevers will decimate your sperm crop. 

I hope this has been helpful to all our faithful readers who are really trying to knock somebody up. Keep it up, readers.
Remember: Condoms are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy, but anal sex is 100%.