bonfire

Get a bunch of drunk and high people to meet somewhere on a freezing cold beach.
This will be difficult as everyone is drunk and high. Parking is hard to find too. Make sure everyone is calling each other on cell phones asking someone who isn’teven invited to the bonfire “where the trail is to the fire, man.”After 20 minutes lost in sand dunes, you’ll be ready to get started. Then, have everyone look at each other and ask who brought wood.

No one will have.

Scavenge up and down the beach until finally resorting to burning the garbage from a beach house trash can. Only after its too late will you realize you’re burning a filled diaper and tampons. Then, because you’ve picked the coldest possible day to be on a beach, all start shivering. For fun, get sand all over the lips of your wine and beer bottles and complain about it.

There will always be some overly perky girl who demands to swim in the water. Let her. She needs to learn the hard way that hypothermia is real and that those same guys who were just hitting on her will forget her immediately when she is a briney, shivering, sand encrusted mess.

As the night winds down and the overweight drunk guy falls asleep too close to the fire and singes his eyebrows off, you’ll know that you’ve had a successful Beach Bonfire!

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