moneySomeone said the love of money is the root of all evil. They were probably poor and bitter. Screw that dribble with a philips head right up the yin yang. Money is the American way and I for one am gonna get mine, sucka. I loves me some cash money more than you love your wife. I’ll do anything or anyone to get it, because once I have it I can sleep with your wife. She is a milf! I hope you don’t take offense.

I remember the first big deal I brokered at the age of 8 when I sold my sister Pam’s cat Kitten Caboodle to a neighbor for 3 bucks and then told Pam that the cat had been eaten by a cougar. With that 3 bucks I bought a yo-yo which I then traded for a kite. I tried that old Ben Franklin trick flying the kite in a storm, which is why I can see through your first layer of clothes. Yep, them some funky Tabasco logo boxers you sportin’. And that is one piping hot shit stain.

I also am a live nude model at the local community college where the art teacher Mr. Ames gives me 8 bucks and some pot to pose naked for 3 hours. Not only do I rake in some cash-ola, I get to air out my crotch rot and dry out my anal sores.

Here is my new scheme, infallible! Yesterday I second-morgaged my parents house and sold my 91 Chevy Cavalier Convertible and bought Walmart stock (on a friends tip!), $40,000 bucks worth! I put an ad on craigslist to sell all my family’s heirloom furniture, including an oak table that once belonged to Ty Cobb and my grandfather’s grandfather clock, which is worth at least a grand! My plan is to buy all new furniture at Walmart! Just watch that stock price sore!

I’m not sure how I’m gonna get home without my car.

This is America baby, and I’m living the American Dream. Don’t ever try and wake me up!