rapAll you suckers be thinking you can fade this? Puh-leez. I got mad rap dueling skills like Dairy Queen employees got temptations and The Temptations got moves.  I waxed LL Cool J so bad once that his head grew a Kangol hat comprised of shame and a magical cotton/embarrassment blend.

That’s right. I’ve got rhymes that’re so smooth they make Jiff seem like broken glass. So smooth in fact that while you just read this, they slipped in and out of your sphincter 5 times without your notice. I know you ain’t exactly no spring chicken, but that’s still pretty smooth.

I’m what you may call the Darth Vader of Freestyle Rap. I mean Darth Vader back when he was cool. You know, the Darth Vader of Empire Strikes Back when he move boxes with his mind! I’m like the Lost of Rap Dueling. You know, like the first three episodes of Lost when it was still cool.

So here’s how its done:

  1. Make reference to your opponent’s appearance but steer clear of insensitive subjects like race (whiter than that guy who played Harry Stone on Night Court), hairstyle, weight (perhaps they’re so fat that they resemble a large object), cheap jewelry (because what’s wrong with cheap jewelry? Real diamonds are way overpriced. Maybe they’re just thrifty), etc.
  2. Make your insults rhyme. This is important. Look at the difference between these two Rap War Weapons-
    “Your breath is like the inside of Reese Witherspoon’s dumpster
    have you seen that forehead, can you believe someone humps her?”
    and…
    “Your teeth look like Raven Simone’s panty liners on a bad day, sucka! ohmygawd, did I just say that?”

As you can see, rhyming is an important, nay, integral component to rap battling.

So good luck, stay fresh, and may you never have to deal with Suge Knight.

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon