Let’s have a mind and raise flowers.

• DATE: Saturday March 29th RAIN OR SHINE. Don’t be a wimp
• TIME: 3:15pm
• PLACE: Pike Place Market, corner of Pike and Pine. In the street, in front of the place that throws the fish.

A car will be blocking traffic so that we can safely fight in the street. Because we’ll be stopping traffic the fight will be 3 minutes.

THE WAY IT WORKS-

- TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE FIGHT. Bring as many people as you possibly can. A big fight is a GREAT fight!
- CONCEAL YOUR PILLOW! Hide it in a backpack, a shopping bag, under your coat, etc. DO NOT go to the fight location and hang out with a pillow in your hand. Look busy: Pretend to shop, chat on the phone or with a friend, whatever, just don’t be obvious. (If you see someone hanging out, with pillow in hand, discreetly suggest that they look busy and try to hide the pillow)
- LISTEN FOR THE WHISTLE. There will be a diversion in the street to allow the car to stop for us and give the cars that were in front of it time to move down the street to give us enough room to have the fight. Don’t just start fighting because someone is in the street.
- After 3 minutes, a whistle will be blown again to stop the fight. STOP FIGHTING IMMEDIATELY AND WALK AWAY. Just like nothing ever happened.

**AFTERMATH GATHERING at The Whiskey Bar (just in time for happy hour!) 2000 Second Ave. (206) 443-4490 Bring cash if you want to drink, because they don’t accept credit cards.

REMEMBER-
Bring Friends, Tell people
Conceal Your Pillow
Don’t Hit Anyone Without a Pillow (Very important!!!)
Watch Out for Cameras

–If you come with a group, it’s helpful to spread out before the fight and come running from different directions–

Seattle Pillow Fight Club MySpace page

I overheard this conversation at Peet’s coffee:
Guy: (approaches woman) have you had a chance to put on your Barack Obama stickers?
Woman: Oh. No.
Guy: Really? You’ve got to put one on and then give the other one to someone else who hasn’t got theirs yet. Imagine if all his supporters had them on their cars! You’ve really got to put yours on.
Woman: Oh. I don’t have any Barack Obama stickers.
Guy: What? Didn’t I give you yours already?
Woman: No. Are you mistaking me for someone else?
Guy:….Maybe I am. I thought I had given you two Obama stickers.
Woman: No, I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else. (both awkwardly laugh). Yes, I actually am supporting Hillary Clinton. As a woman, I really find her inspirational.
Guy:….Have you seen the Will.i.am video?
Woman: …No.
Guy: It’s on YouTube. You know Will.iam?
Woman: …No.
Guy: He’s with the Black Eyed Peas. You know the Black Eyed Peas? The music group?
Woman: …No. I do like music, but I’m more into classical.
Guy: Well Will.i.am made a video for Barack Obama. You really should see it. Will…I…Am. Its on YouTube.
Woman: …Okay.
Guy: Yeah, I really thought I’d given you those stickers. But I guess not.
Woman: Do I look like someone?
Guy: Well, no not really. Now that I think of it, she’s white and wears glasses. (both awkwardly laugh) All women look the same to me. Because I don’t look. I always tell my wife ‘I don’t look!’ (both awkwardly laugh and guy walks away)

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

this morning touching
this morning touching your hand at breakfast
feels different than from how it felt last night
and from the week before last.

i’ll trace an image on your back
and tell me what it is.
‘an elephantine chair’?
didn’t that story of the ten blind indian monks
teach you anything?
there’s nothing that’s ‘elephantine’!

not even elephants!

Ryan McGivern

Are you one of those who goes to uneasy sleep each night wondering when Jesus is going to come back? Do you want to enjoy a whole expo of world beers as He floats down from heaven? Here’s all the info you’ll need to get ready for MAY 21st, 2011, the day Jesus’ll come back.

• Matthew 24:37 “As were the days of Noah, so shall be the coming of the son of man.”
• Genesis 7:4 “For yet seven days and I will cause it to reain upon the earth.”
• II Peter 3:8 “Forget not this one thing, beloved, that one day is with the Lord as
  a thousand years.”
• It is known the exact year of the flood in Noah’s day was the year 4990 BCE. Thus, seven days, 7000 years. Thus, if you add 7000 to Noah’s flood date, you get 2011. The extra year is accounted for in the ‘zero’ year between BCE and CE.
• Hence, May 21st 2011 is the day Jesus is coming back.

For more information on Jesus, email davidto216@sbcglobal.net

I say let’s all plan on spending the day of infamy at the Frankenmuth World Expo of Beer, in Frankenmuth Michigan, taking place during May 20 and 21 2011.
http://www.frankenmuthfestivals.com/?subpage_id=2009
http://www.frankenmuth.org/
http://beer.about.com/od/beerfestivals/gr/FrankFest2007.htm

Frankenmuth Michigan: the only place to be when Jesus comes back.

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

Getting the scoop on Fidel Castro’s retirment as King of Cuba, mindflowers.net’s top reporter Ryan McGivern got an exclusive interview with the hunky green jump suit clad sweetheart.

Ryan: Fidel. Thanks for sitting down with me. You’ve decided to step down as leading man of the romantic comedy known as Cuba. Why?
Fidel Castro: They forgot the roll and they only kept the rock. The roll’s the whole damn thing dude, the rock is nothing, deal with it, the roll is king. Unfortunately most cats don’t get behind the roll.

America has many misconceptions about Cuba. For instance, I’ve always thought it was pronounced “Q-Bah” apparently its more like “Coo-Bah”. What else should Americans know about your cute little country?
The one thing I’ll never do is the dope. I won’t do that again. Everything else is up for grabs. Why wouldn’t I do the dope again? Because I’ve been there and done that, and it’s fucking painful, man. The other schmucks are doing it all the time and I pity them.

In Godfather II, there’s a couple of scenes that take place in Cuba and it looks a lot like Florida, only with more revolutions. What’s your favorite vacation spot?
I mean I don’t think I’m cool, it’s other people that tell me I’m cool, I’m just being who I am. Just be yourself is all I can say, the rest of it’s a fucking joke. ‘Elegantly wasted’ blah-blah-blah, I’ve had all of that. If you’ve gotta be cool be cool with yourself. If you’ve gotta think about being cool, you ain’t cool.

Forgive me, but I have to ask this question. Communism. Is it really all that cool?
I wouldn’t want to do that again. It’s having your fucking skull cut open. It’s what I had to go through. Yes, I’ve been trepanned. That’s quite an interesting experience, especially for my brain surgeon,
who saw my thoughts flying around in my brain. I’ve got pictures of it mate, yeah. They cut my head, brain, skull open, went in and pulled out the crap, and put some of it back in again. But that’s the way it is, I mean, shit, Fidel Castro has got to do everything once.

Let’s talk about the Bay of Pigs. Tell us how it felt. I mean, in your heart of hearts how did it make you feel?
The other best bit is the morning after, when you wake up and realise you’ve had a great time. I mean drugs have got really nothing to do with life. Drugs are there if you want them, and it’s not a big fucking deal.

Bananas. High in potassium?
Everyone’s a load of crap. They’re all trying to be somebody else and they ain’t being themselves. The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party? Load of crap, load a crap. Posers, rubbish. There ain’t nothing out there that’s worth shit. I listen to the real shit, I don’t listen to bullshit. I listen to my shit, baby, Motörhead, reggae, Moroccan music. All kinds of shit.

How’s the weather been down there?
I was totally comatose, but I was totally awake,
I could listen to everyone, and they were like, ‘He’s dead, he’s dead!’ waving their fingers and pushing me about, and I was thinking, ‘I’m not dead!’. So that’s sort of the worst one. But I got out of that, I mean otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you. But yeah, bad shit is bad shit. The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared, he didn’t give a shit.
It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.

Hillary Clinton has gone on record that if she cannot win the democratic primaries that she would love a crack at becoming the Queen of Cuba. “The climate would be great for my skin, and I’ve got a great health care plan. It’s a match made in heaven…or should I say a match made in a Marxist utopia where the workers rule? We don’t need more speeches. We need solutions. Vote Hillary. In either America, or if not, in Cuba.”

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

Some political websites purport to have all the news on the Presidential candidates. Ha! What a joke! Has www.bbc.co.uk ever told us what Mitt Romney’s pillow talk is like? Or what Mike Gravel secretly wishes for in the darkest watches of the night?

I’ve learned to not be impressed with the internet. Where other politcal bloggers are simply happy to ‘rate’ the candidates, I have gone through the trouble of dating the candidates.

1. My first date was with Mike Huckabee. Since he’s not really a contender, we simply made a lunch date where I figured we’d have a drink and maybe a walk around the LaBrea Tar Pits. Well, was I in for a treat! I was picked up at 4am by that Walker Texas Ranger guy in a 1994 Toyota Corolla and brought to a barn. There I was made to hay the stalls and wash the horses. Mike showed up around 6:00am and gave an exhortation to “remain steadfast in the Lord”. I said, “I’m thirsty, Mike!” and he said, “So was Jesus and you know what the Jews did? They gave Him gall to drink!” and I says back, “I think it was a Roman who gave him gall to drink, Mike.” and he stomps off screaming something about me being lazy. In closing, I give this date:
Two Relevant Thoughts out of Ten.

2. I next went out with Hillary Clinton. I had bought her flowers and chocolates and everything! I drove to pick her up and she let me in and threw the chocolates at Bill who was air boxing a cardboard cut out of Chris Matthews. I had said that we could see any movie of her choosing and she decided on “27 Dresses”. She cried the whole time. Seriously. It was embarrassing. Then we went out for some sushi and she had one too many sakis. “Ryan, sometimes I question my ability to lead.” “Why’s that Hil?” “I….I know how this will sound, Ryan. But…Its because I’m a woman. I’m afraid I’ll collapse under the pressure.” I looked her square in the eye and said, “That’s absolutely sexist and I’m ashamed of you. Haven’t you ever seen Tootsie? Or Private Benjamin?” She stood to her feet and with her arms raised triumphantly screamed, “I can do it! I can be President!” and then I said, “Well, actually, you can’t. You’ve pretty much lost the primaries. I’m sorry. Are you gonna finish your California Roll?” All said, I give Clinton: Five Retracted Statements Out Of Ten.

3. For my date with John McCain, I really thought I’d hit the jackpot. We were making out all night long! We made out at a bowling alley, a supermarket, my pot dealer’s house, all kinds of places! I like his “policies”! He put my hands to work, he was tough but fair, and he gave me tax credits for my medical care. McCain’s date earned him:
A Mitt Romney/Ryan McGivern endorsement!

4. My date with Barack Obama…What can I say? It was SOOOOO dreamy. He sent me a link to his inspirational Will.i.am video and asked me to go on “the most awesomest date ever in the history of dating.” I asked him what we would do on the date. “Anything and everything you want.” I was like: “OMG!” So we planned on going out this last Saturday and even though he stood me up, I was so inspired I sent him 500 bucks. Then, he re-scheduled for Sunday and stood me up again and I was like: “Hey, Barack. I waited for like 3 hours at the restaurant.” and he was like: “I’m not your ordinary date. I’m changing the way things are done.” and I sent him another 500 bucks. I still haven’t dated him, but I give Obama:
10 Inspiring Vague Promises Out Of 10.

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

www.veracifier.com
www.mittromney.com
www.27dressesthemovie.com
www.tarpits.org

I’m falling out of love with myself. . I’m no dummy. I can see the writing on the wall. I’ve been acting differently lately–listening to what other people are saying when before I’d just be trying to remember the name of the two dogs from Magnum P.I.

I’ve even caught myself entertaining altruistic thoughts. This past week I found the words “Let me buy the next round” almost on my lips! I later said that I was drunk, but that’s no excuse. I thought that maybe it was just a disinterest connected to my recent weight gain but I see it goes deeper than that. I think that over time I let my guard down and I saw parts of myself I didn’t know were there.

I prove true the maxim that love “is an ignorance of someone that allows you to believe they’re not as dispicable as the rest of humanity.” I mean, you live with someone long enough and you see their real self. I can eat an entire package of cold hot dogs in one sitting and I play the musical Evita real loud and sing the words all wrong.

I wish I hadn’t wasted the best years of my life on a dead-end relationship with myself. I wish I had a DeLorien. I’d crank it up to 88 in a shopping mall parking lot and go back to 1991 and warn myself “no matter how cute, how luxurious the hair, or knowing the touch, don’t fall in love with yourself!” My 1991 self would look at me with shock and amazement, and most likely a healthy dose of lust because let’s face it: I’ve still ‘got it’.

My friends all tell me its for the best that I move on. My self help books say its a step towards healthy adulthood but its going to be hard to let go. Especially after I’ve given myself a ring and tattooed my name on my chest. And it will be hard to get used to the idea of being a selfish lover as a ‘bad thing’.

Its already uncomfortable. This morning I saw myself in the mirror and I pretended I was too busy brushing my teeth to stop and chat.

But don’t cry for me Marge and Tina. I’ll be alright. Maybe I’ll just have sex with myself once more for closure.

Ryan McGivern

It was a darkening and drizzy evening when a gunshot disrupted the normal L.A. night sounds of Mojitos being sipped, Scarlet Johanssen’s butt being lipo-ed, and the echoes of porn production from the valley. I got the call from Sgt. Mahoney down at precinct at 4:00am when I was half way through a whiskey pint and a pirated DVD of Ghostbusters 2 that had Mandarin voiceover and Thai subtitles.

“We’ve got a grisly murder down at the Jamba Juice on Beverly Drive.”
“Again?” I growled. It was the fourth and a half murder there in the span of a week.
“That’s right. It looks like me might have a sultry Latina R’n'B singer who’s dating a Baldwin brother who’s been on ‘creative hiatus’ as a suspect,” the Sarge said.

A wide open case with no good leads to go on, hmm? Damn.  That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Another murderous creatively-blocked loon on the loose was sure to put Tinsel Town on edge. Los Angeles likes its crime sexy, coke driven, and easily adaptable to a screenplay. But this murder was one of the rare unentertaining ones, and one that in the end gave me a broken rib, a default on my home loan, and a chancre sore the size of an Olympic medal.

On my way to the crime scene, I picked up a hitchiker who just needed a ride. Suddenly I was pulled over by LAPD.
“Sir, may I see your I.D.?”
“Listen, flatfoot: I’m a private eye, see? The name’s Nils Kuhlstadt, P.I.”
“Can you get out of the car sir?”
“I’m on my way to investigate a murder. A gristly, albeit not very entertaining one. I’m sure its a case that will lead me to brake a rib, and default on my home loan.”
“Do you know this hitchiker?”
She had paused from giving me a wicked ‘Carolina Swamp Fox’, if you get my meaning, and was touching up her makeup.  I told the officer to mind his own business and slipped him a Benjamin and a mickey.

To make a long crime noir story short: The hitchiker and I fell in love and ironically enough, she was the killer. And her Baldwin brother boyfriend and I had a daring fight atop the Beverly Wilshire hotel. And I shot somebody. And there was a brief but entertaining false lead which caused me to investigate the seedy underbelly of Chinatown’s mafia. So that’s about it. Case closed. Oh, and I got that chancre sore.

Ryan McGivern

As you all know, mindflowers has a gargantuan following in the Greater Orlando/Kissimmee Metropolitan Area. Therefore to and fro, the mindflowers staff is proud as bacon bits to officially endorse the following blog — A Guide to All Things Tacky and Fabulous in Orlando. At the time of this writing, GATTFO is highlighting the chivalrous heroic integrity of a firefighter who saves the lives of dogs by performing CPR.

Important Update: Check out this entry about 100+ people who camped in tents overnight in a parking lot beside Chick-Fil-A hoping to win free food.

So did you see Ted last night @ that kegger on 15th Ave? Hott!!! We were gonna kiss but he had serious garlic-breath, so I just sucked him off instead. (I know you’ll think I’m a slut, but that’s no worse than being a tease, I figure! Girl, please!)

So what did you do w/Russel? All the way this time, or you still stuck on 2nd base? You’re not gonna be 17 forever – you need to get laid before you get out of Garfield, and if you can score one of these college dipshits, that’s the way to go; if I’d known that I never would have fucked Kevin in the 9th grade. You know we were together for a year, fucking every weekend, before either of us knew “Doggy-Style” wasn’t anal! Whatever, it opened me up for being with Jared, you know what I’m sayin?

O.K., I need to go read this Jane Austen shit about prejudice or whatever. Let’s go to the movies, maybe see “You Got Served”? Call me!

-D.