- [finance] Does it bother you that my two cents are worth more than yours?
- [cooking] Have you ever used tears to spice up a dish?
- [gossip] Heath Leger is still alive. I saw him at Hooters earlier this evening at happy hour. He was downing two buck Buttery Nipples.
- [hot] If you were nude, waxed in Crisco and stuck in a cage with Newt Gingrich, what would be your initial wrestling moves? (editor’s note: standing moonsault and then stink face)
- [hair style] Tell me something lamer than scalping a guy with male pattern baldness?
- [Helen Keller's root canal] Would the dentist experience be less painful if you were deaf and blind?
- [satiated] Considering Homer Simpson is hung like a horse, what are the genetic odds that Bart is as well?
- [automotive] Whatcha gon’ do with all dat junk inside yo trunk?
- [mental health] Don’t eat apples. The trees are screaming as you pick their living, exterior placentas and munch on naturally-delicious sweet-tasting veggie abortions.
- [how-to] If you’re curious about changing careers into the cosmetology sector, consider biting the top off a piece of broccoli and rolling the hairy feel of its head in your mouth. This is what it feels like to be a professional hair cutter – constantly covered in hair.
- [news flash] Do you think it’s creepy, if you sit across from a bathroom and are thinking really hard about a question to write for a blog, to look off into space in the direction of the bathroom door as people go in and out and see you staring?
March 5, 2008 at 6:56 pm
1. Yes, it does. But it doesn’t so much surprise me. The failing dollar has made even the Peruvian Sol look good.
2. My pillow, upper lip, and pasta dishes all taste a bit like Dead Sea water and mascera.
3. Well, you’re right and you’re wrong. Heath Ledger is alive in the same sense that Jesus is alive. In my heart.
4. Is buttfuck a wrestling move?
5.Cutting the penis off John Bobbitt again.
6. Judging by my beatings of deaf and blind people, they probably hate the dentist just as much or more as anybody.
7. I dunno, but have you seen Huckleberry Hound’s bulge? It’s bigger than Zac Efron’s!
8. Dump it in the Jersey River after sawing it into pieces at my cousin’s mafia owned butcher shop.
9. A gallon of apple juice and a bleach chaser is a great abortifacient.
10. Cosmetology is kinda like a mix between oral sex and mowing the lawn.
11. So that was YOU?
March 18, 2008 at 6:42 pm
1: If you so rich all a sudden, why you ain’t pay me for that ‘backrub’ I gave you?
2: They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. Bitterness is a dish best eaten alone. In front of a TV. On a Saturday night.
3: Recipe for Buttery Nipples- Equal parts vanilla vodka and maple syrup. 3 teaspoons of butterscotch. Pour on chest. Allow to set.
4: Recipe for Slippery Wrestling With Bigots-
Get real sweaty. Go to local AM radio station. Make a statement like “I don’t regret my four abortions at all.”
5: Trimming your pubic hair before going clubbing ‘in case you go home with someone’ when you know that you’ll be going back home alone at 2am to pig out on ice cream while crying.
6: What are blind and deaf people doing with teeth anyway? Isn’t that like giving a toddler a handgun?
7: Zac Efron.
8: Sometimes I make it clap. Sometimes I drop it to the floor.
9: I don’t regret my four abortions at all.
10: My make up regimen includes: blushing cheeks (achieved thru being caught playing pocket pool), a flush face (same), teeth whitening (eating only marshmallows and salt), and genital mutilation (vacation in Nigeria)
11: You write blogs OUTSIDE of the bathroom?