Hillary’s Open Letter To America

Listen up dickheads: I only ‘puppet master’ those who have strings hangin’ out their ass.
I’m sick n’ tired of hearing “Hillary is ruining the Democratic party” pissin’ and moanin’.
Seems that there’s plenty Democrats that are still are lovin’ my sh*t kickin’ ‘tude, if you ask me.

My celly was blowin’ up with all kindsa hate this past week when I said that we could obliterate Iran.
Let’s take this one step at a time:
Can we NOT obliterate Iran? Did we somehow listen to Dennis “Peacenik” Kucinich in the last two weeks
without my knowing it and get rid of all our pretty little nukes? No? Oh, I thought so.
So it seems that I was factually right in that statement.
Would I rather have a campaign run on solid threats we can keep, or a campaign of nebulus promises of hope that may or may not be fulfillable? Lemme think about that for a second.

Some folks got in my grillpiece sayin’ “Isn’t that harsh?…Cold War rhetoric?….Playin’ to fears…Nihilistic?..”
Blah. Blah. Blah.
Look dickheads. I’m a Razorback ok? I know how to fight and win. You think I’m gonna talk about annhilating an entire culture in an instant composed of innocent civilians based on an unfounded hypothetical conjecture if I didn’t absolutely know that it would HELP my campaign?
The Kinks (as much as I hate the British) once said, “Give the people what they want.”

As long as y’all want to imagine the U.S. sitting on top of a fetid heap of death and vaporized human remains, I’m gonna keep hittin’ that sweet spot, honey.

People have suggested that “Ol’ What’s His Name” the “Also Ran” (who may or may not be Muslim. One never can be sure.) drop out instead of me. I agree. I think that’s a pretty good idea.
But neither of us will and that just kills you don’t it, liberal America? It just gnaws at your bleeding
hearts, I know it. Why? Because it exposed the Democrats as being just as shrewd, petty, power hungry, and idiotic as the Republicans? Or is it that we’re also playing into the trap of being backbiting, highly schismatic, unorganized, dogs chasing our own tails?
Well, whoop de dooo. You figured it out.
Guess what else: fuck you!
You still only have a choice between ‘Blue’ and ‘Red’, suckas.
And whether I win or lose Barack Hussein Obama or Kindly Old Bigot, I win.

So, vote for me, Hillary. Together we can obliterate.

Let’s have a mind and raise flowers.