Our daring MindFlowers reporter JJ spoke with former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan today.
Scott McClellan has recently released a book titled
“I Will Gladly Eat Poop Directly From Your Butthole For Money”.
JJ: Scott, thanks for speaking with us today.
Scott: I can’t answer any questions about the weather, sports, current events, or my favorite movies.
JJ: Well, okay. There goes my whole ‘Back To The Future or Ghostbusters’ line of questioning. Well, what can you talk about?
Scott: How about Arsenic?
JJ: Uh….
Scott: You see, Ms. Flufferbee’s Brand Arsenic is the nation’s BEST arsenic.
JJ: Best in which sense?
Scott: Taste. Color. Smoothness going down. Deliciousness.
JJ: It’s come to my attention just now that arsenic is poison.
Scott: Not true.
JJ: Actually, I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and it says….
Scott: Look. We’ve been through this before. There are ongoing investigations.
JJ: I just fed arsenic to a lab monkey and it died a horrible screeching death.
Scott: I know Ms. Flufferbee personally. I have asked her if her brand of Arsenic is poisonous. I trust everyword that comes from her dry, sore-spattered mouth. Without question.
JJ: Well, Helen Thomas just joined us to ask you a few questions.
Helen Thomas: Arsenic is poison.
Scott: No! Not true! Helen. Helen. No. That’s. That’s simply just…The world is a safer place with Saddam Hussein removed from power.
JJ and Helen Thomas: Huh?
(a letter is handed to Scott McClellan reading:
“Dear Press Puppet,
Sales are slumping! Stock price dropping! You’re fired!
signed, Your God and Master Ms. Flufferbee”)
Scott: …Arsenic is poison.
You can buy your copy of Scott McClellan’s new book from
www.please-tell-the-thousands-of-dead-Iraqis-I-made-an-oopsie.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puppet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lFUohKcZxw
http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~rar4619/Images/Goebbels.jpg
