Now that I have conquered three Tom Clancy novels and “The Life of Pi” (it’s confusing),
I can assure you that I know what’s best for you.
You got a question about gay marriage or abortion?
I’ll be able to reach deep into my 5th grade reading level to really
knock your fucking socks off with erudite insight and worldly wisdom.
You’re not sure how global economics work huh?
Let me tell you all about it.
You’ve got questions about what life’s meaning is?
Let me inform you.
My mom took an online class through a church once
and told me all about it, so I pretty much have a handle on what’s what.
Seriously, I know my shit. I’ve got a well-read issue of
“People” if you don’t believe me.
I just got done reading a synopsis of some book about evolution
on an advertisement display at my local Christian bookstore,
so if you want some knowledge thrown your way, lemme know.
C.S. Lewis is like totally my favorite philosopher and Tim LaHaye is my
favorite theologian.
I receive and sometimes read an email newletter about gay marriage that
uses bright colors and has ‘links’.
You best come correct if you wanna debate me sucka.
I wish people would begin to respect my education which would then allow me to
educate them which would in turn make us both equally fit to almost finish the
“US Weekly” crossword puzzle.
It’s lonely at the top of this ivory tower.
Ryan McGivern
