Our crack squad of journalists and phone tappers at Mindflowers have got our America-lovin’ paws on our two most favoritist political powerhouses: Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber.

Joe the Plumber: Uhhh, hello?
Sarah: Hiya Joe.
Joe: Yes, how can I help you?
Sarah: Joe-this is Sarah, doncha know.
Joe: Oh shit! What are you wearing?
Sarah: Joe! (laughs) Well, a powersuit. A nice little number that cost me eight grand.
Joe: Hoooooweeeeeee!
Sarah: Joe. Look I’m calling about business.
Joe: Oh! You got another clogged up toilet over there?
Sarah: No, its not that. Y’see Joe, I need some more talking points.
Joe: Sarcasm. That always works.
Sarah: Well, yeah! Duh. But I need you to tell me the words to say in a sarcastic tone.
Joe: How ’bout……..Socialist!
Sarah: Good! That’s good….. Who’s a socialist?
Joe: Barack Obama!
Sarah: Ohhhhh. That’s good. That’s really good……What’s a socialist?
Joe: You know. Uh. Like France and stuff. Not America.
Sarah: Yeah. Socialism is pretty un-American isn’t it?
Joe: You bet.
Sarah: You betcha.
Joe: How’s the campaign coming?
Sarah: Great!
Joe: Really?
Sarah: No. It sucks frankly. I was being sarcastic.
Joe: I can never tell. Everything kinda sounds at least a little sarcastic when you say it.
Sarah: Listen. Joe-so you’re a plumber right?
Joe: Yes.
Sarah: What do you know about politics? I mean, you must have been around politicians in your time.
Joe: Well, I once unclogged a sink stopped up with vomit and cat food in the trailer home of some crazy ass who was listening to AM talk radio. And I think she was a Representative in Minnesota.
Sarah: That works. What’d ya find out?
Joe: Well. Some Americans aren’t American.
Sarah: I’ve never said this before but…I don’t know what that means.
Joe: Some Americans are Anti-America. What was that lady’s name? She had the eyes of a madman-vacant and cold…Michelle Bachmann. That was her name. She smelled like old people and had four bibles in her living room and she’d written on the wall “get out of my head, voices!” in her own feces.

Sarah: Mmm. Alaskan you say?
Joe: No. Minnesotan. Anyway. Like I says…Some Americans are Anti-America.
Sarah: Like when they complain about what’s going on in America. Like Martin Luther King.
Joe: I guess.
Sarah: Like Women’s Suffrage.
Joe: Yeah.
Sarah: I hate trouble-making America-haters.
Joe: Exactly. So do other old white people.
Sarah: Aha! I’ve got my next interview all set now. Thanks Joe.
Joe: That’s what I do. I fix toilets and inspire our nation’s top intellectuals.
Sarah: Oh, and by the way. I think I will need you for something else……
Joe: Oh, baby!
Sarah: No. I mean I just clogged the toilet.
Joe: Again?
Sarah: Its this new ‘Extra Absorbant’ Charmin! Its like trying to flush bedsheets!
Joe: I’ll be over as soon as I finish my edit on Sean Hannity’s opening piece for tonight.

 

If you would like Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber, or John McCain to brighten your workday, 
email us (or leave as a comment) your office work number (or the number of your Republican co-worker) and get ready for your brush with greatness!

Ryan McGivern
we’ll call you within 4 work days up to the Nov. 4th election.