Israeli officials this week proudly stepped forward and declared the
nation’s unequivocal pro-choice stance.
“This is a big step forward for our nation. We can put petty quibbles aside and just move forward.” Said new Minister of Pro-Choice Parades Levi Tuvarek.

The decision of the Knesset has shocked some and disturbed many of the American Pr0-Israeli Christian Right.
“Deciding against life is totally un-Christlike.” Said Rex Overthal, Portland’s hip young pastor of Rebel Youth for Christ Church. “Pro-choice is like, totally not cool and my posse’s homeboy Jesus is totally bummed by this decision. When will the Jews start asking ‘what would Jesus do’?”

Israel’s Secretary of Pro-Life Sucks Cabinet, Saif Yosef, speaking at Monday’s press conference had this to say: “The ‘right to life’ is a red herring. Choice is a necessary part of democracy. And Israel is a democracy. So, when Palestinians choose to live in Gaza, Israel can likewise choose to take their lives away.”

This week, Condelezza Rice crawled out from her feces filled burrow under a rock and commended Israel’s pro-choice stance: “As a woman, I know how important it is to have choice and freedom over one’s body. And being able to choose to direct American made smart bombs into schools and apartments is not only a sign of a strong democratic society, its pretty fucking cool. You’ve seen those coffee mugs that read ‘Life begins at Forty’? Well I have one that says, ‘Life ends at Gaza’. I got it for my fortieth birthday from Rumsfeld.”

American Christian Extremists with strong support for Israel have distanced themselves from the country which will host their savior’s battle against the evil doers at Armageddon.
Said Elizabeth Toole, a Christian Extremist during a break of homeschooling her eleven children: “Taking life is just wrong. Me and my husband will now have to schedule a pipe bombing of the Israeli consolate along with the Planned Parenthood office this afternoon. Its gonna be a busy week. God give us strength!”

 

Reported by Ryan McGivern