Some people never learn.
They think that the world is ruled by ‘math’ and ’statistics’.
For example: you can’t predict the outcome of a baseball game because there’s WAY too many factors involved-i.e. screamed chants from the fans, the prayers of a sick boy in left field nose bleed seats, etc.
Haven’t you people heard of “chaos theory” and “random acts of kindness”?
Besides, isn’t it a little misogynist to completely rely on the masculine assumptions of rational reductionism? The modern project of control and oppression through the privileging of narrowly defined “acceptable knowledges” is bullshit man, so when Nate Silver tells me that there is nearly a one hundred percent chance that my next fart will result in a teaspoon of anal leakage, I tell him that I’m gonna trust my gut.
Sure, I’m in the middle of making out with that girl I met at Friday’s last week during my cousin’s work party and she’s just gone down to the kitchen to grab another beer and will be back in a second, but I think that this is a perfect time to just let out this fart that I’ve been holding all night.
It will probably be a nice little silent and mostly odorless fart. She’s been drinking a bit and won’t even notice if there was a smell anyway. Probably. That’s my guess.
Nate Silver’s breakdown of my bowel situation might have a cool statistical accounting for every factor including columns labelled “Nachos”, “Seven Beers”, and “Two Gin and Tonics”, but you know what? I failed
college algrebra and I’m still doing pretty well for myself.
Oh! And guess what? When I said that the new James Bond movie “Quantum of Solace” would suck before seeing it, I didn’t need no stupid pie chart. I trusted my intuition. And who got the last laugh on that one?
So, as I begin to push and bear down on my sphincter, I do so knowing that humanity will never be programmable, predictable, compartmentizeable, for the human soul is a mysterious thing beyond knowing.
Are you one of those who goes to uneasy sleep each night wondering when Jesus is going to come back? Do you want to enjoy a whole expo of world beers as He floats down from heaven? Here’s all the info you’ll need to get ready for MAY 21st, 2011, the day Jesus’ll come back. 
It was a darkening and drizzy evening when a gunshot disrupted the normal L.A. night sounds of Mojitos being sipped, Scarlet Johanssen’s butt being lipo-ed, and the echoes of porn production from the valley. I got the call from Sgt. Mahoney down at precinct at 4:00am when I was half way through a whiskey pint and a pirated DVD of Ghostbusters 2 that had Mandarin voiceover and Thai subtitles.
