How to


Hello! We here at Mindflowers in the past have dicussed improv basics, but here’s just a few new musings on the basics to help you get started or thoughts to keep in mind at whatever your level.

The “Story Spine”: Using the game in pairs or larger groups where you tell a story along the major points of 1) Once upon a time…2) and every day….3) until one day….4) and then… 5) until finally….6) and since that day everyone lived happily ever after…..is very helpful to get into the idea of story arc and moving a scene along. It is helpful to note that there is a period in 1 and 2 where things are going glowingly. This can be thought of the character and relationship building period where you are also very positive (!) with your partners. This holds off conflict and lets everyone find happy spaces in their relations where rapport and the seeds of objectives can be sown through the characters.

“Raise the stakes” Mounting tension to the point of ridiculousness is a fun part of improv and a fun part of life in general. This is the way that we tell our tragic stories of our days right? “So I spilt coffee on my shirt and then guess what? I had my job performance review!” Do you feel a scene lagging? It may be that there’s a fear hiding there-a fear of taking things to a more dangerous level. But remember! Raising the stakes may not always mean making the horrors more unbelievable. It may be that things get much better. Or even to “the best!” Your partner may become endowed with being “the best” pig caller in Topeka!

“Follow the gossip” There are times when  in a scene, someone may go for the joke or begin to waffle and ‘gossip’ and make ‘nudge nudge’ comments more to the audience than in their scene. These comments can become boring and waffling should certainly be avoided in favor of action, but one way of racheting these moments up is by ‘following the gossip’. This may involve a ‘jump cut’ feel where someone off stage (or on stage) calls to see what it would look like if the ‘gossip’ would be played out. Use sparingly, of course. Its better to keep actional, stay away from jokey comments, or playing the ‘wink wink’ to your audience.

“Vulnerability” If I had anything to say to new improv-ers, it would be to remain vulnerable. Its the players who seem unflappable at their first tries at improv that must be reminded of this. It may be easy (easier than you think!) to step into a feeling of “I know what’s going on” when you’re new to improv and come across as an ‘actional’ player when really you may be forming the habit of bullying people around. I say this because I learned the hard way. Believe me-its been my bane. So I now keep in mind: ‘vulnerability is the beginning of ethics’ and I treat scenes like an ethical exercise. This doesn’t mean that I can’t play a sadist, or even an antagonist, but I do keep in mind that every character must be impressionable-otherwise their player is a tyrannt. First and foremost-listen to what has been said and let it permeate you. You may be a strong character, yes, but one must keep in mind that the scene is shared and everyone is directing it. A simple ‘in’ for me to get out of the “invulnerable dickhead” habit is to love on the other characters. This may mean that you play low status characters, or that you emphasize the ‘positivity’ and rapport in the beginning of scenes. I speak as one who has been burned by this aspect of improv.

“Trust” A good litmus test as to whether you are not trusting your fellow players is if your scenes feel like work. If it feels like “they’re just not playing the right scene!” you’re not trusting your partner. I have come to the conclusion that if the best improv-er ever just trusted their partner, something enjoyable and entertaining would arise. “But!” you may counter, “What if my partner is horrible?” The simple answer is trust. And keep to the basics: (CROW…character, relationship, objective, where) you’ll be fine. Scripting, invulnerability, waffling, they all come from a lack of trust. You will never come out looking bad if you give all to your partner.

“Give and take” This means sharing stage space. Talking with two people on stage will be a back and forth and most likely fall into an equal space sharing if both are trusting each other. When more folks are piled on stage, each must sit back and take a smaller piece of the pie. I was once in a scene where in a bakery we started out with a group of four and had good rapport and character and were sharing space and then we had four more characters added to our bakery. Everything fell apart. Why? Because there was now 8 pieces to share equally and that’s a tough challenge! But, if relationships are solid, you can rely on spatiality, gesture, bodies, touch, to express all you need without taking too big a bite out of the stage. In fact, some of my most pleasurable watching during that exercise was watching those who never said a word and were just ‘in the moment’ of the madness!

Hope some of these notes are helpful, and as I’m just a greenhorn myself, I will of course welcome comments/critiques!

My younger brothers Allen and Hank wrote a poem on the back of some printed Mapquest directions, the only paper available during their three day stay at a remote cabin in Vermont:

MAPQUEST
Directions to me:
STARTING POINT: You

1. Head towards my eyes,
2. Take a left when our eyes meet,
3. Whisper “I love you,” as you merge into conversation,
4. Stop talking and listen,
5. Bring our hands together at the connector of my life and yours,
6. Exit the crowded party in the back of the room,
7. Kiss me at the awkward intersection of silence and conversation,
8. Go to my house at Rt. 69
9. Arrive at me.

Mindflowers reader Grafthis politely asked me to repost these instructions.  Please hold the screen and cough.

Hot damn do I love a challenge.
Life the last 75 years has been so boring.
I’ve seen a man walk on the moon. Wow. Big deal.
No one likes a braggart or vacation photos, so that news cycle sucked.
I saw the end of WWII which was good for Europe, but really sucked
for me as I had to come back home and look for a job.
But things have finally got interesting around here.
Here comes the Greater Depression!
Yeeeeehaw! Bring it on.
I’ve got my brand new dentures (bought on credit) and I’m ready to
bite into (figuratively) what is to be the world first global economic collapse (literally).
So to help all you young whipper snappers out there (some of whom actually
snap whips, I’ve been surprised to find out on YouPorn.com) get a handle on
how to not only survive….but survive with your children uneaten by roving bands
of hungry Midwesterners.

Let’s first clear one thing out of the way: drippings burnt onto the bottom of your rich cousin’s oven are delicious, savory, and often nutritious depending on the grade of salt pork he stole from the back of a van.

Now, we all know that education is expensive. Even when I was a youngin’ we were expected to bring acorns to the school house for roastin’ and an apple to give to the playground attentant/milking goat Boots. That got pricey! And goats are irritable!
So if you plan on sending your children to college-I’ve got a couple of surefire tips.
Move to India. Give your child to someone in one of them good castes.
Believe me, I’ve given some kids to castes that in retrospect were not good choices. But
my biological son Mrbuti says he’ll forgive me in a couple of lifetimes.

Now, let’s talk about penny pinching in the sex department.
I’ve been to one of these here, whatya call ‘em, “stores” (we only had family owned corner markets around when I was young) and I come to find condoms cost like 5 bucks for a little box with only a couple of rubbers in there! Believe me, I’ve humped some pretty weird things out there-I was a Army Private for 13 years, I was a prisoner in the Federal Penal System for 9, and I lived in Houston for 3 months for Chrissakes. I’ve seen it all. And…..I don’t know where I was going with this but the point is condoms are expensive so do the “pull out method”. It keeps pregnancies down to a level that is pretty acceptable and I don’t believe in STD’s so there.

There is a bright side to any Depression.
When my second wife Elsa got depressed, she’d buy me Gin and Tonics all day long just to keep her company.
This Depression will be no different. There will be a lot more parties. Drinkin’, druggin’, sleepin’ around. It’ll be like a Lew Stevell and His Home-Cookin’ Bluegrass Band concert!!
(I was at their 1925 Cleveland show during their ‘Man Ain’t Meant To Fly’ tour. That was a GREAT show. Too bad their band train derailed the next day, killing all fourteen band members and critically injuring their milking goat.)
So anyway. The last Great Depression was a hoot and this present Greater Depression will
give us all a lot of fun memories. So drink up and make the best of it!!

Horm McGivern
Editor’s Note:
This blog was transcribed from the scribbles Horm made in his porridge by his
great great grandson Ryan. Tragically, later that morning, Horm died from Syphilis.

Here at MindFlowers, our editoral staff are constantly receiving questions such as “what’s the best way to wipe? Frontside Ollie or Backdoor Hufflepuff?”
So to help you, the average internet-dwelling, light-aversive, fanboy, we’ve decided to take your questions and pitiful pleas for help in a new endeavor called “Ask Ryan”. 
Here’s a few questions from the ol’ vault to kick things off. 

Thanks to all the contributors to this first installment of
“Ask Ryan”.

Question #1: “I have questions. Do you have answers?” from Hilda
Answer #1: Yes, Hilda. I do.

Question #2: “I seem to have lost my mind. Can you help me find it?”
                     from Brenda
Answer #2: No Brenda, I can’t. But a good first step would be cutting back on the shrooming and scat play just a little bit. We love you, and when we confront you in your intervention, at some undisclosed but surprising time, we will bring snacks.

Question #3: “I am retired and suffer from emphasema, lymphoma, and heart disease. My doctor is asking me to quit smoking before I undergo my trachectomy in August. My dear wife of 28 years Nadine died last year of cancer and I want to kick the smoking habit in memory of her. Ryan, please help.”                    from L.W., Athens GA
Answer #3: Smoking has come under fire (no pun intended!) of late by bleeding heart liberals who seek to tax it more and more to fund Welfare Queens who have twelve kids. A word to the wise, Mr. and Mrs. Democrat-I am smoker and I vote! It is true that cigarette smoke smells like dried diarrhea, and it is also true that dried diarrhea smells way better than farts. Why do you think so many people start smoking? To cover up the smell of their farts. Think about it: anyone who has ever sat all day at their desk working a temp job will tell you that holding in farts is painful and distracting. Once they find that they can go outside and release said pressure and use a cigarette to mask their atrocious odor there is no going back. After sex? Cigarettes to the rescue. At a party? All I can say is that as long as there are people eating dairy products, people will have gas. As long as people has gas, they will always choose to smell like dried diarrhea over farts. So, light ‘em if ya got ‘em. Thanks for the question!

Question #4: “Beatboxing seems really hard.”             from ;)
Answer #4: I’m not sure there’s a question there, but I’m sure you feel that way about a lot of things.

Question #5: “What is the capital of Oregon?”               from DarqueSyde
Answer #5: Eugene. Population 12,804. State Bird: Marsh Finch. Oregon is a state in the far northwest of the continental United States prone to gloating over not being Idaho. Famous residents include the woman who played Blanche on “The Golden Girls” before she graduated from High School and moved away. The house from “The Goonies” still is located in Oregon, but once it gets its act together will probably move to Cheyenne Wyoming where it has heard there are opportunities.

Question #6: “Are you my mommy?”                     from Billy
Answer #6: Smoking pot in Oregon is legal if you can think up a good story to tell your doctor. “I feel funny” works, as does “My tummy and/or eyes hurt”. It is also legal in Oregon to have your doctor kill you if you can think of a good story to tell your doctor. “I feel funny” works, as does “My tummy and/or eyes hurt”. They also will give you a prostate exam if you ask hard enough. It is illegal in Oregon to pump your gas at a gas station. You must have a gas station attendant run out to your car like its a NASCAR pitstop and then pump your gas. A doctor can also do this if you ask hard enough. Bestiality: legal. Pumping gas: way out of bounds. Smoking a doobie at your Pap test: Condoned by law. Pumping your gas: Please don’t even ask. Backhanding a senile invalid? Better be a doctor. Pumping unleaded gasoline into your Honda Civic? The police have been called and are on their way. Sasquatch have also been sighted in Oregon.

Question #7: “Do conjoined twins count as one or two in a census?”
                     from ‘Worried’ age 29
Answer #7: In Oregon, conjoined twins are revered as gods.

Question #8: “I am pregnant. How do I tell my parents?” 
                      from Kaitlynn age 14
Answer #8: Easy. Go to a school dance, have baby in a toilet and then go dance the rest of the night away. Get caught by the cops and have your parents see you on the TV and figure it out for themselves.

Question #9: “How do I tell my conservative family that I am a Democrat?”                                   from rittenword@yahoo.com
Answer #9: See answer number 8.

 

Email us here at Mindflowers, or just add as a comment to this page. Thanks again diligent readers!
Ryan McGivern

litterbox.jpg

For those mindflowers readers with birthdays the day before tomorrow we bring you this mouthwatering cake in a litterbox. Click me for the recipe. [thank you boingboing!]

I have always wanted to enter the tutelage of a horse whisperer.
I think that those equine shrinks could really help me expand my necromancy
to include deep conversation with Secretariat.
My nickname growing up was “Barbi Benton” while I was a baby, “Wet Bed McAsshole” when I was a toddler, “Late Blooming Onion” when I worked at TGIFriday’s, and “Platypus Sack” when I worked at “Outback Steakhouse”.
I had always wanted to be called “Stallion”, but I would have settled for “Mare”.
Is it wrong to love horses? I don’t think so.
Is it wrong to hit a lying down cow with a tractor?…Well, yes. Probably. But that’s beside the point.
As I have now made at least 30 dollars during my six months of sperm donation (A lot of my samples have been tainted because I add tap water to my sample cup to impress the lab workers) and I’ve thought: “Maybe I should start a sperm bank of my own!” And then I started thinking: “Maybe I could combine my love for making money off sperm with horses!”
Eureka.
I went by the fortune teller shop that’s near my acting class and I stopped in real quick to get some pointers on how to spiritually connect with horses.
“What is your spirit guide?” She asked me.
“I dunno. Platypus?”
“And you want to tell the futures of horses? Like for betting purposes?”
“No. I didn’t even think of that! I’d just thought I could make some quick dough off of horse sperm donation.”
“Oh, like a stud farm for raising horses?”
“No. I didn’t even think of that! I’d just thought I could make some quick dough off of horse sperm donation.”
I didn’t get much more help from her since she asked me to leave then, but I think I got at least one good idea: Crystal balls look awesome.
How this will tie into my idea for a unicorn dating service, I’m not sure.
(My business model is an escort service that would employ outcast Amish and excommunicated Jehovah’s Witnesses and dress them in Unicorn suits. They would then give massages that would barely comply with state and federal laws.)

Suggestions on how to summon the spirit of a dead horse, psychoanalyze farm animals, get rid of scabies, or convince those who have been ostracized from religious communities to join you in an uncertified massage/dating service are appreciated.

Ryan McGivern

Best Damn Horse I Did Ever See:
http://www.secretariat.com/
Worst Damn Critter I Did Ever Have: http://www.metrokc.gov/Health/prevcont/scabies.htm

NEWSFLASH!! Mindflowers.net was recently voted The 2009 Most Influential Website on the Internet, beating down such luminaries as Foxnews.com and ReserveASpotInHeaven.com (poll sample deduced from a 2am post-coital conference call between three Mindflowers.net staff members; margin for error: plus or minus 69%).

So how did our speckle of a blog achieve such a dubiously distinguished honor? The answer is as simple as tic-tac-toe: gratuitous and strategic toilet humor. That’s right lads and lasses, during our six month lifespan we’ve intentionally spattered triple x speak throughout our wit, style and wisdom offerings. As a result, Mindflowers attracts plethoras of horny and confused web-surfers, and then our words proceed to change lives!!

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4. Semen is the root of all evil

If you want to see some bad coffee orderers, go to the mid-west.  They’re not accustomed to it yet.  They always had Lutheran church ‘coffee hour’ after services and the most thought they had to put into getting a cup was how to avoid the choir director’s
creepy husband.

They haven’t learnt the Art of Ordering Coffee.

Go to Seattle. My God, Seattle is to coffee what Salt Lake City is not to coffee.

San Francisco, same thing. People have their exact change ready. They’ve got the tip out and they’re saying the fake ‘Good morning’ so well they don’t even need to move their lips.

Tip #1: When ordering a coffee, don’t ask which brew your barista likes better. Don’t make them think! They’re not paid enough. Plus, they’re really really stoned right now.

Tip #2: When using two sugar packs, tear and pour both of them at the same time. Don’t create a Ford assembly line process to tear the equivalent of four sheets of paper. Jerk.

Tip #3: Leaving room for cream gives you less bang for your buck. Pour unwanted coffee out as a tribute to your fallen homies.

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

The Seattle Flash Makeout will commence at exactly
4:20 p.m.
Sunday February 24th

a song will be played.
lots of people will smooch.
bring your own or share one of ours.

the song will end.
We’ll disperse as if…

In Fremont, WA
around the Lenin statue, that man needs some LOVE.
at the corner of 36th and Evanston in Fremont.

Sometimes we get drinks after…
sometimes we smooch some more.

Photographers welcome.

***PLEASE REPOST AS MANY PLACES AS YOU CAN***

PRE-MAKEOUT DRINKS AT NECTAR 2PM

Seattle Times Article
Seattle Flash Makout Tribe

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