Let’s have a mind and raise flowers.

The future president of the United States of The U.S. of A. recently set the record straight once and for all about God.  Mitt Romney has put America’s heart to rest and as his wonderful speech below clearly evidences, God is totally cool with Mormons.

Mitt Romney’s God Talk
“Freedom requires religion just as religion requires being totally awesome. Freedom opens the windows of the soul like the legs of Reese Witherspoon: easily. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone, with the exception of religious cults that compel people by social coersion and manipulation to live under patriarchal, hetero-normative subjugation….but, I digress. Uhh. Ahem. (cough, cough)”

“Let me assure you that no authorities of my church, those wonderful rich old white men in Utah, or of any other church for that matter, will ever exert influence on presidential decisions. Not even suggestions on what shoes to wear with ‘business casual’ from the homosexual Bishops of the Episcopal church! Their authority is theirs, within the province of church affairs, and it ends where the affairs of the nation begin, just like how the magical power of ‘Shazam’ can only be accessed when Billy Batson is Captain Marvel.”

“As governor, I tried to do the right as best I knew it, serving the law and answering to the Constitution. I did not confuse the particular teachings of my church, such as the belief that God and His wives are living near the planet or star “Kolob” and make spiritual babies, with the obligations of the office and of the Constitution – and of course, I would not do so as President. I will put no doctrine of any church, such as “No person having the least particle of Negro blood can hold the Priesthood” (Brigham Young) above the plain duties of the office and the sovereign authority of the law.”

“Americans tire of those who would jettison their beliefs, even to gain the world. Americans tire of those who would step into the Ninteenth Century out of convenience.”

“There is one fundamental question about which I often am asked. What do I believe about Jesus Christ? Have you seen that T-shirt that says: “Jesus is my Homeboy”?
Well, I agree with almost everything that T-shirt says.”

“I believe that every faith I have encountered draws its adherents closer to God. And in every faith I have come to know, there are features I wish were in my own: I love the delicious wine of the Catholic Mass, the boycotting of movies by the Evangelicals, the snake handling among the Pentecostals, the confident smugness of the Lutherans, the pickle making prowess of the Jews, unchanged through the ages, and the strict teddy bear naming regulations of the Muslims.”

“It is important to recognize that while differences in theology exist between the churches in America, we share the common creed of moral conviction:
homosexuals are Satan’s fodder.
Whether it was the cause of abolition, or civil rights, no movement of ‘conscience’ can succeed in America without first battling religious people. And we’ve still not given up!”

“In recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God, Murderous Is His Rage. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of Secularism. This religion of Secularism is characterized by its colonialism, female circumcision, the relegation of women as belongings, reliance on guilt, and its pre-copernican worldview.”

“We should acknowledge the Creator as did the Founders – with slavery.
The Thunderous God, Glorious in His Spite And Disgust, should remain on our currency, in our pledge, and in the teaching of our history. I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from God, Ready At The Apocalypse Button, who gave us liberty.”

“Nor would I separate us from our religious heritage. Perhaps the most important question to ask a person of faith who seeks a political office, is this: does he, and of course it will be a he, share these American values: buying stuff, sports, SportsCenter, DoubleStuff Oreos, dumpster babies, and world domination through pre-emptive war?”

“We believe that every single human being is a child of God–literally.
You can be certain of this: Any believer in religious freedom, any person who has knelt in prayer to the Almighty Fist In The Sky, Awaiting To Cold Cock The Universe, has a friend and ally in me.”

“May The ‘Roid Raged God Of Phallic Power bless America.”

Ryan McGivern
With Thanks To Mitt Romney

www.mittromney.com
www.lds.org
www.venganza.org/
www.myspace.com/mckibbon