- [masculinity] Boning down preference: Archie or Jughead?
- [sugarcoated psychology] What candy do you most relate to:
(a) Goobers, (b) Nerds, (c) Airheads, (e) Impotent Sticks - [Budweiser frogs] Less filling or tastes great?
- [penis envy] Have you seen the bulge on Zac Efron?
- [productivity] Should children be taken out of failing schools and put to work in miniature factories?
- [rave chic] When you throw up 62 ounces of water, a tab of LSD and a half dose of ‘E’ on your rave friend “GlitterBot” do you say you’re sorry or pretend to pass out to save face?
- [things that make your pants tight] Watching anything with Milla Jovovich in it or eating nothing but Doritos and playing World of Warcraft for 3 days?
Psychology
Archived Posts from this Category
September 22, 2007
Quiz: Are you typical?
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Improvised Writing, Psychology, Questions, Quiz1 Comment
September 13, 2007
Ponderances over cheese and crack
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Activities, Psychology, Questions, Quiz, Self Improvement, SexLeave a Comment
- [morality] Near the Applebees dumpster you find a stack of one thousand dollar bills. There is a cockroach sleeping on the stack. Do you keep the cockroach as a pet?
- [super powers] Would you choose invisible teeth or having all your thoughts broadcast throughout Times Square?
- [physics] Do you feel me?
- [romance] If I lit your hair on fire, would you describe yourself as all hot and bothered?
- [movies] Would you go down on me in a theater?
- [war] If hotdogs replaced bullets and orgies replaced suicide bombings, how quickly would you sign up for the Armed Forces?
- [economics] If I dropped a dime on your ass, would you respond with no quarter?
- [sexuality] Lake Placid or Watery Grave?
- [education] Teaching gorillas English-a) patriotic b) anglo-centric c) fun until they can file charges of sexual harassment.
- [child rearing] infanticide via insectide or SIDS via SARS?
- [12 step programs] Now that you are on your third step, do you feel a) holier than thou, b) like a schmuck, c) lonely for all the irresponsibility the second step afforded
- [being] To be or not to be?
September 8, 2007
Apologies to you and your mom, and wink to your dad!
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Food, Improvised Writing, Justice, Parenting, Philosophy, Play, Psychology, Romance, SexLeave a Comment
Okay, I did yell at your mom last night, but I promise by the Statue of Liberty’s right foot that it is not what you think. The evening started well enough, meeting your parents for a candlelight dinner. It was perfectly kind of them to give me that twelve foot cactus; I’ll put it in the dining room next to my Audubon Society “pelican” plate collection. I didn’t realize your dad was so drop dead good looking. I don’t think I’ve seen a man that handsome this side of Mexican telenovellas!
Given my dietary needs, I was thankful that three of the four courses were served in tin foil and contained only organic saffron, and I have to say I’ve never had free range Welsh rabbit before. Those curried floppy ears were delish! On all accounts, this would be the best dinner since Jesus’ last one.
I should have known that reanimating a corpse would come back to haunt me. I just never thought that it would occur during dinner. Now, grant me this: I stayed calm during the forced anal penetration. And to think I had planned the whole evening to propose a hetero-normative marriage to you in front of your made-to-order sexpot Mom and lustfully huggable Dad.
It had seemed so romantic when I got the idea from an episode of “Charles In Charge”. I don’t blame you for saying no. I would probably have done the same if my boyfriend of 2 months was calling my Mother an “idiot’s wetdream” and a “cumdumpster” while my Dad was in fisticuffs with a Zombie Corpse and my cactus.
I think the only mature thing to consider is a polygamous relationships between your dad, yourself, and I. We could try threesomes if you are game wherein we both give fellatio to your father while your mom breaks plates behind us to provide emotional support, or perhaps we should save some face and start slow with you and I getting all sexy like on Monday evenings with the rest of the week reserved for your hot pop and I to try out puppy love, 69 at the aquarium, and, of course, tied up inside your grandparents’ sarcophagus.
August 28, 2007
Enough CARbs to drive me crazy
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Activities, Food, Psychology, Self ImprovementLeave a Comment
I have an eating problem. There, I said it, and admitting you have a problem is the first and only step, yes? I am a fine eater when I cook myself, when I plan ahead, when I venture to restaurants and order with my own free will. Within my design, I consume enough broccoli and spinach to construct a solid green bridge across Minneapolis, enough quinoa to fill your bathtub each morning, and enough beets to have a decent career as a professional boxer.
The problem arises with the seductive concept of free food — perhaps at a Super Bowl party, an employee staff meeting, a hotel continental breakfast. Those unguarded coffee cakes, muffins, potato chips, croissants, cookies, cereal, pasta — a thousand shades of empty brown carbs, sawdust disguised as food. I stuff my face and belly galaxies beyond their capacities on my way to feeling heavy, bloated, and exhausted. Inside my binges, I don’t actually taste or enjoy the food so much as shovel it repetitiously inside me. And my only stopping points are when the food is gone or when someone provides me that sexy look of disgust.
If you are what you eat, I’m over-refined, baked and superficial. Link
August 27, 2007
Good God Willing, Thrift Store(ies)
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Activities, Justice, Merchandise, Photography, Play, PsychologyLeave a Comment
The Goodwill Outlet in Seattle store sells copious masses of materialistic scatology by the pound. Quality and style can be discovered in this haystack, but the disorienting fluorescent lighting design, the windowless warehouse container of a building, and the mothball stuffiness make extended shopping trips a bit unbearable. I shop mostly for encyclopedia, reference and children’s lit books, for collage projects.
A fascinating anthropological phenomenon occurs whenever the staff bring out a new bin of items. A pack of people gather around in rabid red-eyed anticipation, mouths watering, a saliva puddle gathers on the floor below. “Now”, mumbles the employee, who skillfully hops out of the way just in time as swarms of violent arms grab blindly for that pair of Reebok Pumps, the purple tutu, or whatever “treasures” happen to lie within. This bloodthirsty pack mentality makes me slightly ashamed to be both human and American. But shame is an idiotic emotion, judgmental, arrogant and not often helpful, so I should get over myself. I’ve read that more than 1.5 million people make their entire living off of Ebay. I imagine some of them shop here.
My friend Courtney visited the Goodwill Outlet last year with her friend Jenny. Jenny brought along her fancy new digital camera, with a entire memory card filled to the brim with invaluable photos of family and friends. She and Courtney wandered around the Outlet shopping for clothes when Jenny realized her camera must have slipped out of her possession and into one of the bins. She and Courtney looked for it, and Jenny eventually asked about it at the front checkout. She was told that someone had just purchased a digital camera at $1.50 a pound. Jenny was distraught; at that same moment, a lucky Goodwill customer felt ecstatic; all they need is a battery charger and a usb cable.
August 21, 2007
Ghost Riding the Whip
Posted by Ryan McGivern and J.J. under Activities, Beauty, Philosophy, Psychology, QuestionsLeave a Comment
Three locations where I am guaranteed an existential dilemma, my mind wandering to universals, amorality and an acute sense of mortality:
- wandering on an overpass/freeway, hovering omnipotently above passing cars, drivers oblivious to me, motoring like ants to and fro mundanity, the potential of death and chaos caused by a simple unintentional stumble or intentional hop over the edge.
- at a concert venue, the performer playing at me with memorized material that I’ve probably heard before, an absolute zero of interaction between us, the faceless masses of humanity surround me, staring, laughing, snorting, ignoring and other sorts of predictable behavior, if I didn’t exist everything would be the same.
- backstroke in a pool, alone, drowning possibilities, gazing at the domed empty space above, sprays of water blurring my vision, audibly deprived, chlorinated sense of smell, a fear of proximity to the concrete edge, images of cracked skull flashes like lightning through my mind, pool water contaminated with blood, everyone has to get out of the pool while they clean me up.
More optimistically, have you heard of Ghost Riding the Whip? — a cultural phenomenon from the Bay Area wherein participants dance outside and on the hood of a driver-less automobile (the “whip”) while it rolls in neutral. Link
August 18, 2007
When I utilize the bathroom excrementally, I often do not lock the door. “Why?” is a question a wise child might ask. Two reasons: (1) I relish the danger of potentiality; and (2) if someone does wander in, the expressions and uncomfortablity of the situation are as priceless as a Taste of India buffet .
August 12, 2007
The link below is a personality quiz entitled, “A Walk in the Woods.” My friend Courtney sent me this a while back and I found it insightful and unsettling. Just go with the first thoughts that pops into your little mind. Link
