Religion


Israeli officials this week proudly stepped forward and declared the
nation’s unequivocal pro-choice stance.
“This is a big step forward for our nation. We can put petty quibbles aside and just move forward.” Said new Minister of Pro-Choice Parades Levi Tuvarek.

The decision of the Knesset has shocked some and disturbed many of the American Pr0-Israeli Christian Right.
“Deciding against life is totally un-Christlike.” Said Rex Overthal, Portland’s hip young pastor of Rebel Youth for Christ Church. “Pro-choice is like, totally not cool and my posse’s homeboy Jesus is totally bummed by this decision. When will the Jews start asking ‘what would Jesus do’?”

Israel’s Secretary of Pro-Life Sucks Cabinet, Saif Yosef, speaking at Monday’s press conference had this to say: “The ‘right to life’ is a red herring. Choice is a necessary part of democracy. And Israel is a democracy. So, when Palestinians choose to live in Gaza, Israel can likewise choose to take their lives away.”

This week, Condelezza Rice crawled out from her feces filled burrow under a rock and commended Israel’s pro-choice stance: “As a woman, I know how important it is to have choice and freedom over one’s body. And being able to choose to direct American made smart bombs into schools and apartments is not only a sign of a strong democratic society, its pretty fucking cool. You’ve seen those coffee mugs that read ‘Life begins at Forty’? Well I have one that says, ‘Life ends at Gaza’. I got it for my fortieth birthday from Rumsfeld.”

American Christian Extremists with strong support for Israel have distanced themselves from the country which will host their savior’s battle against the evil doers at Armageddon.
Said Elizabeth Toole, a Christian Extremist during a break of homeschooling her eleven children: “Taking life is just wrong. Me and my husband will now have to schedule a pipe bombing of the Israeli consolate along with the Planned Parenthood office this afternoon. Its gonna be a busy week. God give us strength!”

 

Reported by Ryan McGivern

Did you ever have a relationship that you regretted?
You know, the clingy ex, the heartache, the weird TXT messages late at night, the cold sores, they all pile up and leave you wishing that you never
met the pyscho-let alone tell them your Peter Pan fantasies.

Well, being a wacked out dickhead and abusive piece of shit isn’t reserved for just your most recent ex who thought they’d get you back if they used coercive tactics. No, seems churches got in on the fun too.

Take Grace Community Church in Jacksonville Florida for example.
This cult of Hester Prynne stoning slackjaws is blackmailing an ex congregant by threatening to disclose “her sins” to anyone who wishes to stop by their cult compound on Sunday January 4th.

Rebecca Hancock trusted a mentor (vampire) with her most intimate feelings and experiences only to have that mentor break her trust and blab it around to the other Pharisees in the Borg Hive.

So Rebecca distanced herself from the church, resigned from it, and walked away-like anyone who finds themselves in an abusive relationship should.
Was that the end? You’d think so. But not if you’re trapped in “Lethal Attraction II: The Christ’s Revenge”.

Nope. They sent her a letter blackmailing her into coming back to the church or else they’ll publically humiliate her.

Her crime by the way? She’s unmarried and has sex.

I’ve checked out their website’s church calendar and it doesn’t have
Rebecca Hancock’s “public humiliation punishment” listed on their events schedule for Sunday January 4th. Why not? Is blackmail something they wouldn’t want the Internet to find out about? Well, oops.

Grace Community Church’s telephone number is: 904  268  8854.
Their email is: office@gracejax.org

Fox’s Coverage and the Blackmail Letter
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,469928,00.html
http://www.foxnews.com/projects/pdf/Church_Extortion.pdf

Grace Community Church
http://www.gracejax.org/index.php

Some folks can do no wrong, it seems. 
Even when their upper lip is smeared with the santorum of an emu.

Rick Warren, by saying that 2% of the population should not be protected by law because…….well, because they’re ONLY 2% of the population- sides with the tyranny of the masses, denies the constitution, and denies the “self evident truth” of god creating everyone equal. Or maybe he doesn’t believe in the god that’s mentioned in the constitution. Either way, it seems he’s either a bully, someone who misunderstands the precepts America was founded on, or a religious bigot who worships a god who gives some over to be punished by dictatorial asswipes.

(Let’s not even get into how Rick Warren came to the ‘2%’ number. We’ll leave discussions of queer identities and the freedom and fluidity of sexual expression to the comments.)

Rick Warren and the rest of his ilk are ahistorical (or White European historical redactionists-whatever’s worse) and culturally ignorant. When someone says: “Marriage has been about ‘one man and one woman for life’ for five thousand years” has flunked Sociology 101 in their uncredentialed Bible college.

Rule #1: If you want to strip people of their inherent human rights, dignity, and freedom and base that on arguments from Historical Tradition, take the five minutes to peruse Wikipedia or any other middle school level reading difficulty text and get your bigoted ducks in a row.

Rule #2: Anytime your religious leaders get fired up about what “2%” of a nation want in regards to their rights, your religious leader is a bankrupted, vacuous imbecile. Is Rick Warren’s god so terrified and weak, that “2%” of America can threaten it? The answer is “yes” when, as in Rick Warren’s case, your god is an idol of racist and sexist hegemony whose only power resides in ignorance and non-love.

Rule #3: If you have to continually answer to charges that you’re a bigot, take a second to introspect.

Rule #4: If you think that by giving someone who is peaceably protesting you and your church some donuts and coffee, you are patronizing and arrogant.

 

You’d think that someone with as much influence as Rick Warren does would take ten minutes to consider what he’s doing. Pastors are held to a higher accountability-and he’s failing. Instead of handing out donuts to people that’s he’s rallying to punish, judge, and outcast, he might have stopped to pray with, listen to, and worship with them.

But then again, who’d want to accept, love, include, and fight for the outcast and ‘least of these’? That’s crazy talk.

So I was just reading James Loewen’s “Lies My Teacher Told Me”
and I came across these fun facts!!

-in 1492, the year Columbus sailed the ocean blue, Europe had about 70 million people in it. The Americas had about 100 million.

-between 1520 and 1918, there were 93 epidemics among the indigenous people in the Americas. (41 of smallpox, 4 of bubonic plague, etc.)

-in 1617, just before the religiously persecuted Pilgrims washed up, there were already many English and French fisheries and tradespeople some of whom would nab Native People to sell as slaves in Europe. While ashore doing their nabbing, they traded some bubonic plague too and within three years, about 93% of all the East Coast Native People were dead.

-The Pilgrims came to a wasteland of dying brown skinned people. And thanked God for it. The Governor of Massachusetts Bay Colony called the plague “miraculous” and wrote that God had ‘pursued’ the the plague victims. The plagues were seen as divine providence to pave the way for the Christian settlers.
“Hey guys! Wanna come over for dinner? We got a shit loadda turkey over here.”
“Uh, we’re kinda busy. And….everytime we hang out, we get a new disease.”
“Pish posh. (Coughs in their direction)”
“So uh.”
“Yes. Well. How’s that dying thing going over there?”
“Not good.”
“Praise God!”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“…..I thought you said…”
“This turkey is delicious.”

Jesus!
I’ve been camp counselor and waterfront staff at Circle Pines Bible Camp since I was eleven years old,
and this will sadly be my last year.
I just can’t take it anymore. The life, the zest, the gusto, the fun, the purpose of Circle Pines has just been
completely sucked dry, leaving each summer just more and more meaningless, tedious, and unaffirming.
Don’t get me wrong: its not me. My faith is as strong as the Euphrates. Stronger than the very loins of Samson himself. No, its something entirely worse-
The absence of any demonic possessions.

The summer of 1975 saw not one or two possessions, but twelve. It was the summer of what we called The Purple People Eaters Curse.
In ‘84 I personally cast the Demon of masturbation out of a pre-teen girl and cast it into a herd of swine.
There was a time in the early 90’s that I personally confirmed the existence of three Succubi among the
craft shack staff.

Those golden days are over, however. Now when a kid throws up, we blame it on “too many smores at the campfire”, and instead of telling kids that they have the evil spirit of Zu Khali, Lord of the Air, we’re more apt to check with the camp nurse to see if their parents notified the camp of an allergy to gluten.

Fuck that! Bible Camp has been and always should be about spiritual warfare consisting of midnight rallies at the chapel, entertaining questions of how to pray away the overweight girls’ lesbianism, etc!

I’m lucky if in my cabin there are as many kids who bring their King James Bible and Holy Water as there are kids who are on Ritalin.
How am I supposed to rid 8 year olds of Satanic oppression when they have ’sports asthma’ and can’t sustain their balance on a blessed wooden cross in the middle of a peat bog while screaming Latin? I can’t work within these parameters, people!

So I’m quitting. Yep. I’ve decided to move on to bigger and better things. So I’m starting my new job 
tomorrow at Crystal Massage in the Galleria Mall near Encino.
I’m not a licenced masseuse, but I certainly can lay hands on you for the gifting of the Holy Spirit with
the evidence of tongues.
I take appointments or drop ins, and if you refer me to another customer, your next exorcism massage is five dollars off.

Hi everyone! Here’s some information for you to help you in life.
(all taken from www.lds.org without permission.)

“Today a flood of iniquity is overwhelming the civilized world. One great reason therefor is the neglect of marriage; it has lost its sanctity in the eyes of the great majority. It is at best a civil contract, but more often an accident or a whim, or a means of gratifying the passions. And when the sacredness of the covenant is ignored or lost sight of, then a disregard of the marriage vows, under the present moral training of the masses, is a mere triviality, a trifling indiscretion.

If one has [homosexual] desires and tendencies, he overcomes them the same as if he had the urge toward petting or fornication or adultery. The Lord condemns and forbids this practice with a vigor equal to his condemnation of adultery and other such sex acts. … Again, contrary to the belief and statement of many people, this [practice], like fornication, is overcomable and forgivable, but again, only upon a deep and abiding repentance, which means total abandonment and complete transformation of thought and act. The fact that some governments and some churches and numerous corrupted individuals have tried to reduce such behavior from criminal offense to personal privilege does not change the nature nor the seriousness of the practice. Good men, wise men, God-fearing men everywhere still denounce the practice as being unworthy of sons and daughters of God; and Christ’s church denounces it and condemns it. … This heinous homosexual sin is of the ages. Many cities and civilizations have gone out of existence because of it.

Another of the many things that lead to unchastity is immodesty. Today many young women and young men are smug in their knowledge of the facts of life. They think they know all the answers. They talk about sex as freely as they talk about cars and shows and clothes. And a spirit of immodesty has developed until nothing seems to be sacred.

Unchastity, furthermore, not only fixes its penalty on the one who transgresses, but reaches out unerring punishment to the third and fourth generation, making not only the transgressor a wreck, but mayhap involving scores of people in his direct line of relationship, disrupting family ties, breaking the hearts of parents, and causing a black stream of sorrow to overwhelm their lives.

When exhausted, some argue that they need stimulants in the shape of tea, coffee, spirituous liquors, tobacco, or some of those narcotic substances which are often taken to goad on the lagging powers to greater exertions. But instead of these kind of stimulants they should recruit by rest. Work less, wear less, eat less, and we shall be a great deal wiser, healthier, and wealthier people than by taking the course we now do. It is difficult to find anything more healthy to drink than good cold water, such as flows down to us from springs and snows of our mountains. This is the beverage we should drink. It should be our drink at all times. …”

Improv Everywhere is better than toasted English Muffins with Nutella and sliced cherries.

Hello dear friends. I just got done eating an entire box of Kraft Mac and Cheese so before the carb-atonic
coma kicks in, I thought I’d write about the recent resignation slip handed in by Establishment Faith groups and the new day for Progressive Faith models.

As a Californian, I of course have been watching the Prop 8 develop like a “too much peppers” poop:
Something was afoot-a rumbling in some folks’ tummies. Out they pooped upon the landscape and now we’re dealing with the fallout. However-like any home clearing bowel movement, its acted as a clarion call to open a window.

Out of the shadows steps people of faith that are relevant, American ideal adhering, and on the side of history.

Firstly: When we’ve got people killing themselves in their foreclosed homes and nearly 10% unemployment and faith groups spending millions of dollars and millions of hours of effort to create an environment of inequality for a minority population, those faith groups have jumped the shark into abysmal irrelevance. This is essentially an act of handing over any right to speak “prophetically to the nation(s).” Arguably, the ‘prophetic’ is about misplaced values (idolatry) and injustice. I think that while people go hungry and there’s two wars going on, an argument over sematics and “definitions” is one way for any faith movement to sign up for the “misplaced concern” hall of fame.
Winner: Emerging progressive faith communities. Loser: Old Time Religion

Secondly: I’m confused about people who haven’t got the whole “Under God With Liberty And Justice For All” thing. Look-we’re in a racist and unfair country. We’ve got to get our shit together and start looking into systematic racism and the war on poor people we’re waging. We’ve got to find a way to educate our urban children, protect our workers migrant or not with the dignity due to human beings. This is the work of justice. And when a buncha “faithful” people rally around taking away the fully inclusive rights of some and neglect the basic tenets of the Constitution, its hard to gain momentum on the other justice issues too. America’s greatest ideals are about creating a safehaven in the world where everyone gets a fair shake. It has not always lived up to that promise. We have moved towards that goal-and we have been opposed in this goal by some faith groups every step of the way. (I say some. Progressive faiths have always been a part of the solution too. I know this.) The American constitution always historically wins out. I hate to say it, but for those folks who voted for Proposition 8 in California: Your faith’s cultural and spiritual vigor has been depleted and you just haven’t got what America is about yet. Look-people’s inherent constitutionally (and “god given” meaning essential and irrevocable) granted rights are not up for a vote. That’s why there’s a constitution to protect us all from a tyranny of the majority. Regardless of whatever your faith tells you about society being built upon the foundation of hetero-only families, what our society is founded upon is equal rights under law (and that whole life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness stuff too).

Lastly, our nation’s and our world’s young people are on to you. You see, there’s this thing called the Internet SupernetInfo Byway Overpass Web and it’s made the world a San Francisco. No, not in that all the world has really beautiful weather, environmentally friendly and forward thinking business, great coffee, and super mass transit: all the world is a major global port. Only Duluth Minnesota is now a global port of information. And the fear tactics of Old Time Religion is based on a lack of information. Kids are told about Leviticus and they go click on “Hermeneutics” and “Biblical Scholarship” and can figure out pretty quick the same thing that Progressive faiths have been saying for the last 300 years. Information is fluid and relationships are expanding. Guess what happens when one is related to others and isn’t misinformed about them? They begin to foster compassion, understanding, love, intimacy, vulnerability, mutual goals, community, etc. etc.

Prop 8 had its winners and its losers and Old Time Religion is on the ropes.
We can see how the voting has changed in this country over the years.
I’ve spoken with elementary school kids in the Valley who proudly share that their
beloved teacher is a lesbian.
We’ve got kids who know that global warming is real and that we can decide to make the environment for poor people in LA, Asia, Africa, Richmond, Detroit better or worse depending on our ethics and actions.
We know that we can achieve peace through non-violent means and that through solidarity and unity we can do anything as a nation or as a people.

Thank God for the Progressive Faith witness to lead the charge in justive, love, relevance, and real results for a better world. To all you Pagans, Muslims, Sikhs, Sufis, Hindis, Witches, Christians, Atheists, Jews, and other people of faith who are going the good work of justice for all-keep it up. You’ve got one Catholic in L.A. who’s just ate 2,800 calories of Mac and Cheese behind you.

And now its time for a nap.

Derek Hess
Overcompensation
Pen, ink, acrylic
2006
            Derek Hess is a Cleveland based artist who was first noticed as a music poster artist who has now gained widespread interest for his religious and politically motivated art. He has recently added most recently to the political landscape most directly in his design of an Obama “Change” poster. In 2008, he provided the illustration and mixed media art for Please God Save Us which also featured political essays by Kent Smith an Education Board member in Euclid, Ohio. The inspirations Hess cites there are the “hard Christian Right, religious extremists, John McCain, and intolerance.” Hess’s work draws from political and religious iconography and at times co-opts directly Christian proselytizing publishing material. His art, populated by murderous angels, self crucifying figures, and apocalyptic urban landscapes are polarizing and confrontational lending themselves to debate and discussion that hopefully will exceed the brash bombastic nature of his art. Hess’ pieces often retain their sketch lines, their feeling of immediacy and incompleteness which lend them to the interpretation that they indeed are only to be approached as launching discussion and further debate-they are not the final word. As prophetic, they condemn, rile, abuse, and wait for the response. Repentance often requires time, and these pieces engage the interpreter/participant in such a way as to initial shock, but with repeated viewing and over time, allow for pushing back against the message.
            Hess’ Overcompensation can recall the image of Michaelangelo’s sculpture of David. One arm cocked at the shoulder, one arm lowered but tense as though beginning motion, the weight shifted on his feet. David, depending on the perspective is just victorious over his foe or just beginning to take up the fight. Which is it that Hess has in mind for his elephant headed monster? Whereas David has in hand his sling and a small stone, Hess has girded his warring giant with what he calls his “Crosstika” symbol, a synthesis of the swastika and the Christian cross and what appears to be a Bible. The Elephant head aside, there are a few discrepancies to note: Hess’ figure is much more muscular, and there is more motion implied as if in a swaggering forward. The monster’s genitals too have been decreased in their size leaving the interpreter to muse on their own understandings of Freud and Lacan.
            The crosstika and scripture as weapons signal the kind of destruction being depicted in the piece is that of ideology, rhetoric, the battle over minds, memes, thoughts, emotions, the battleground of the soulish space that society lives in. As to the weapon of the crosstika: both the swastika, a symbol of good luck shared between Hindu, Greek, and Indigenous American Nations among others, and the cross can be seen as symbols that have been greatly misused and bastardized over time. Together in the crosstika, Hess causes one to reflect on the crucifixion of our symbols themselves and their continual need for maintenance, their incompleteness, their inability to speak to our values and complex spiritual lives. Just as the cross in American culture is seen by some as an offense, so do many see it as something that needs to be defended, recaptured from those who would ‘misuse’ it. The same can be said of the Bible in the monsters other hand; as much as scripture is read, it acts as a symbol. The clutched Bible in a stalwart hand can be seen at political protests and its magical use as symbol has been ritualized in swearing-in ceremonies of our political officials. Hess acts as a prophet calling one to see not these symbols or artifacts as dangerous, but in their ambiguity-their defenselessness against their appropriation. An interpreter is brought to reflect in how they may have used religious or spiritual symbol or frameworks to harm another. As one who has participated in ministry, I can attest to how easy it can be to mislead and harm, albeit inadvertently, another.
            Of course, the Red Elephant head here is Hess’ much recreated demonic recasting of the Republican Party icon. Hess sees the Bush administration years and its neo-conservative agenda setters’ unholy alliance with conservative Christians as creating a poisonous atmosphere for the American culture. Yet the elephant head can be seen as a mask-only a cover for the murderous monster underneath that would seek to see others beneath it. This again can interpreted as another example of the fluidity of symbol: how much is the Republican Party itself only a symbol? How it may act as a divisive or unifying force in our society as an organization should not be confused with the individual Americans who belong to the Party. If the Red Elephant head is seen as a mask, who is hiding behind it? The prophetic voice calls once again to ask each interpreter how they might prop up Political Parties, or Politicians as caricatures, use affiliations or voting histories to deride or dismiss a fellow human being, or hide themselves from individual responsibility in society.
               The people trampled at the bottom of the piece are first and foremost those who suffer the crimes of emotional, spiritual, ideological demeaning. We are met with a prophetic call to repeat of how we overcompensate our perceived enemies with antagonistic polemics, slander, jargon, and bigoted thoughts that we give life to everyday in our interactions. Is the Monster shown here a Republican or ourselves? I believe that Hess’ title of Overcompensation may act as a clue to us. Is he overcompensating by creating a piece that could be said to show a Republicanized Christian Right marching through corpses? I would say yes. Only because I believe that any prophetic voice must first resonate within oneself before it could possibly be applied to anyone else. Has the last eight years of neo-conservative politics been oppressive to the poor, people of color, LGBT communities and families, our youth, the environment, and the innocents of Guantanamo and Iraq? Yes. However, I believe that America will not succeed in its hopes for a positive and reconciliatory change if the need for justice is not begun within myself first.
            So I approach Overcompensation as contrite myself. I reflect on how I have in the past stood by and allowed others to slander entire groups of people, both religious and political. I reflect on how my own stooping to the lowest common denominator in public discourse has only led to polarizing others and not to understanding and patient debate. The Monster here is not of any particular party or religion afterall. It is the force that lies within me to overpower, to dominate, to use and abuse the symbols around me to my own ends. I need to myself take off the masks that I have chosen and face individually my responsibilities. While the people trampled here I believe are victims of a thought life-those that one would like to see as having a value less than ourselves, it is important that my thought life has real world effects-for justice and peace or violence and hatred. It is for fear of creating more victims, that I see this work as firstly and foremost prophetic to me.        -Ryan McGivern

I woke up today from a horrible nightmare.
Its a recurring genre of nightmare I have where Christians are making me feel horrible.
This happens quite a bit, actually. The one this morning was of an old Protestant pastor I
knew who in this particular dream was telling me to stay away from the youth of his church for fear that I would corrupt them and called me “an assassin of Christ”.
It made me feel horrible.
Its not just dreams like this that can ruin my mornings. All I have to do is recall Christian friends who have begun to feel that I was “too Christian”, “too legalistic”, “too liberal”,”not Christian”, “not the right kind of Christian”, or “under the influence of demons” (this is a personal favorite).

That dream made me realize I needed to clarify a bit a statement I made back in a comment dialogue attached to my movie review of “Religulous” where I stated that “I didn’t mind people telling me that I was going to hell but was more interested in how the belief that others are going to hell affects the potential for community.”

I take it back. To a certain degree. I know that I will always be in the wrong to someone and as the saying goes, “You can’t please everyone’s God 100% of the time.” So, I’m ready for whatever horrible dungeon any number of devotees might threaten me with.
BUT
not everyone is.
And I think that I’ve got to start holding these ‘eternal torture’ asswipes accountable.

You see, kids don’t know that hell is bullshit. Kids believe whatever you tell them. I tell my friend Jared’s niece Tiffanie that she’s cool and she is TOTALLY NOT cool. She still plays with Barbies. I mean c’mon. Bratz  are soooo much cooler. Tiffanie pretty much sucks.

And let’s face it: Telling Irish Catholics that they’re going to hell is old fucking hat.
I tell my entire family that they’re nothing but a bunch of Babylonian Sluts or Whores of Babylon or whatever. Slutty Persians.
They’re a big ol’ idolatrous heathonistic pile of pagans as far as I’m concerned. We’re an easy target and for as much ribbing as we get from the “Real Jesus Lovers” nothing too bad ever happens to us.
For instance, we recently haven’t had to fend for our Constitutional rights by a majority vote.

I’m a white guy who’s pretty hetero-normative (I’m not so much bi-curious as I am thigh-curious. Have you seen the legs on Shia LaBouff?) so I’m under the radar of the Hounds of Hell.
But it seems to me that its no coincidence that those who are more easily ‘essentialized’ get more of the
shitty end of the hell stick.
That’s the way it usually has been right? Women, people whose skin doesn’t quite match the en vogue pigment, people who love people with unapproved genital sets….

Hell, if God’s gonna torture ‘em for eternity, why not get ‘em warmed up?
Give ‘em a razzin’ or two? Drag some folks behind trucks? Keep them folks on THAT side of the fence.

Just as I have white privilege, I have “hell privilege”.
I can praise Jesus loudly and fool the Hell Hounds.
Some people can’t hide there “hell-boundedness” as well as I can.
The real life results of Hellish thinking make it easier to beat, diminish, oppress, and throw away as ‘Other’ “unsaved and hellbound” folks and its for those reasons that I’m repenting on hell….
I do care who you’re saying is going to burn in hell forever.
Because they’re my friends and family.
And you spoutin’ off that they’re maggot fodder to their very core-their very essence
gets played out in all kinds of real, tangible violence.
I’m sick of Napolean Complex Gods in the tiny minds of Hell Hounds going unchecked.

Unfortunately, I don’t believe that peoples minds will ever be changed theologically aside from loving, listening, caring dialogue. So all you Hell Hounds better be ready for a considerate and patient response from me next time I hear you say “hell”.
That’s right. I’m gonna listen carefully and show you how much I value you.
And then I’ll gently offer you another way.
Because life is hell enough as it is without turning religion into an argument.

Ryan “Flames Are Presently Licking My Taint” McGivern

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