Romance


Like most Mindflowers readers, Ryan and I were once young girls with hairless armpits full of teenage estrogen angst and chopped-up doll parts. As an adult, I’ve always sought mature ways to utilize the trunks of decapitated Barbie heads and limbs I’ve kept through the years. Jeweler Margaux Lange has some ideas, as seen in her Etsy shop. If I didn’t just blow my wad on a new clutch for my kickass pickup I’d probably buy you all of these. PS: The setting for these seems to be a giant golf ball!!

ring

another-ring

hands

earings

more-ring

You were in my dreams last night again. Like usual we were on a date, but this time it was set in outerspace. Candles were floating around us and our waiter Roberto took our order upsidedown.

I think Roberto had a crush on you because he kept throwing rolls at the back of my head and they would float off into infinity.

We talked a lot about soup and you played footsie with me. Your eyes sparkled like the stars around us and a meteor flew by and messed your hair. You were like the sun and I was like the fourteenth moon of Jupiter.

It was not at all like the wet dream I had where we were swimming, or the hot and sultry dream where we were on safari. It was like nothing I had ever dreamed, or ever dreamed of dreaming.

I remember faintly the sound of you expanding into a vast nebula and I made a joke about Orion.
You looked away then and became a space donkey and Roberto mounted you with a familiarity that startled me.

I don’t believe that dreams mean anything. That is, anything more than any other message
given to me by God. So when I saw the image of your face in my morning breakfast burrito, it didn’t surprise me.

I know that I shouldn’t still be dreaming about you after all this time.
And I know that the restraining order says I really shouldn’t even be writing this to you.
But I feel so strongly about the way the dream ended that I needed to tell you.
You landed on a planet and got implanted with an alien egg that later exploded out of your chest.
And I threw Roberto into a black hole.

I don’t know what all this means. I’m no dream interpreter.
And I don’t know if my need for you is some sort of reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
I’m no criminal pathologist.

But this I do know. I’m gonna dream of you again tonight. Because I love you.
And because I’m going to drop three tabs of acid and stare at your picture for five hours before drinking myself to sleep.

JJ and Ryan

 

http://dreammoods.com/
http://www.sleeps.com/
http://www.nasa.gov/

If you were any prettier you would be a bright red balloon,

…and you would float off into the sky and I would only be able to appreciate you from afar,

…and I would want to take a bow and arrow and pop you so you’d come back to me,

…but then you would be all flaccid and not pretty any more.

So instead I will let you float away.

Like most things, diamonds fascinate me. They symbolize wealth, purity, struggle, forever, blood, extremes, beauty, and many other words. I just read this article about them in Smithsonian Online and learned this:

The largest diamond so far found in the universe is the size of a small planet and located 50 light-years away in the constellation Centaurus. Astronomers with the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics discovered the gigantic stone a few years ago, and they believe the 2,500-mile-wide diamond once served as the heart of a star. It’s ten billion trillion trillion carats. The astronomers named it Lucy in honor of the Beatles’ song “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.”

That’s totally the engagement ring I’m going to get my lover once I get a lover.  And then I learned this:

Credit for the modern cult of the diamond goes primarily to South Africa-based De Beers, the world’s largest diamond producer. Before the 1940s, diamond rings were rarely given as engagement gifts. But De Beers’ marketing campaigns established the idea that the gems are the supreme token of love and affection. Their “A Diamond Is Forever” slogan, first deployed in 1948, is considered one of the most successful advertising campaigns of all time. Through a near total control of supply, De Beers held almost complete power over the diamond market for decades, carefully hoarding the gemstones to keep prices—and profits—high. While the company has lost some of its power to competitors in Canada and Australia over the past few years, it still controls almost two-thirds of the world’s rough diamonds.

yes my window’s open
yes my mouth is open
salt, dead fish, alive fish and sand
and I’m kissing all over back and neck
sketches, poems, naked people, and heroes
after          dark          in          summer
barking big dogs and a silent undertow
in the morning I’ll make you breakfast
your breath is getting slower
its darker the movie’s boring
near drowning desk lamp
a moth on the screen
launched by the flick of my nimble finger
yes I’m swimming in you
yes a sea I couldn’t plan or imagine

 

Ryan McGivern

Everyone has a soul mate somewhere. Tom Petty’s soul mate is a pebble on top of Mount Kilomanjaro in the Ukrainian section of the Andes range. But the point is everyone has a soul mate. The following guide will teach you how to attract your soul mate.

This is a factual statement:
Your self esteem is like the stake at a witch burning: Absolutely necessary.

How your self esteem will ever recover from that time in 8th grade when Caitlyn Dresch pointed out your cold sore in front of the whole class, I’ll never know. But the important thing is that you at least FAKE a strong sense of self esteem. When going on a first date, answer every question with “hell yeah” and never avert your gaze from her eyes.

There you have it. It’s that easy.

It is also important to keep up your hygiene. Eleven basic tenets of masculine hygiene are:

  1. wax your mustache like a French boxer from the 1920’s
  2. never cut your fingernails — the longest fingernails win! Dick Cheney’s are seven inches long although the mainstream press always Photoshops them out!
  3. save toenail clippings so you can show them at that special moment
  4. in a separate container, save eye crusties and sleepies; this is who you are — be proud and she’ll bone you.
  5. brush only the front teeth; no one can see those molars and wisdom teeth anyway so why waste your time when you should be watching sports?
  6. don’t forget the steroids! you need strong thighs for thrusting.
  7. if you have manly chest hair, shave on a Batman symbol just in case.
  8. if you don’t have manly chest hair, Mindflowers endorses Rogaine with extra Monoxodil.
  9. before any first date have your mother smack you in the face with a Mag-Lite flashlight; nothing is sexier to a woman than a black eye and a broken nose.
  10. shave off one eyebrow
  11. botox everything

It has been a common misconception that women are afraid of heights. This is pure nonsense. It may however be true that women are allergic to Stetson cologne, though.

JJ and Ryan McGivern

Gertrud Directed by Carl Theodor Dreyer 1964

Dreyer’s heroine Gertrud is an answer to Kierkegaard’s heterosexual imagination and also to his ‘Johannes the Seducer’. We see here a strong female who in the film’s context of 1883 is a rebellious iconoclastic forerunner of the ‘liberated woman’. Throughout the film, we are given time to view Gertrud’s search for a love whose definition is evolving. This evolution finds its way through the course of three primary relationships whereby she achieves one of love’s great aims; knowing oneself.

Gertrud is in a loveless marriage with Gustav, a well to do aristocrat who is eyeing ever higher positions in the government. He is an echo of Torvold from Ibsen’s Dollhouse, a reasonable man who embodies Kierkegaard’s ethical realm. In Gertrud’s revealing argument with Gustav, she says that the way that he treats her is “worse than indifference. It is a lack of feeling.” Gustav is absolutely stunned by her finding the marriage unsatisfactory since she has been given a life of ease and creature comforts. But she has felt alone and isolated. “Work shouldn’t exile a wife.” She says. “But it is a man’s nature to work.” Gustav replies and argues from the cultural expectation of the day. To complete the picture of Gustav being representative of the ethical sphere of existence and without any aesthetic or immediate connection to his wife, he admits, “The woman that can drive you crazy doesn’t exist.”

In contrast to Gustav is Erland, Gertrud’s passionate lover who is a famous pianist and composer who accompanies Gertrud’s professional operatic singing. Together they comprise a passionate duo reveling in the aesthetic. As is appropriate to the aesthetic sphere, Gertrude says to Erland, “Life is a dream. A long, long clamor of dreams drifting into each other.” Erland asks, “Even my kiss? My mouth?” “Yes, also a dream.” She answers. As the story unfolds, we find that true to his seductive air, Erland is merely playing with Gertrud’s affections and has many lovers of which she is but one. In this way, she has become a Cordelia from Kierkegaard’s Seducer’s Diary.

It is then revealed that Gertrud, before either Gustav or Erland, had been married to a poet laureate of Denmark named Gabe Lidmann. He is known as the county’s “poet of love” and his famous work of poetry is titled Love and Thought. At once the initial thought is to consider Gabe the ‘love’ and Gustav the ‘thought’ but it is more complicated than that dichotomy. Gabe says to Gertrud, “I believe in the pleasures of the flesh and the loneliness of the soul.” which would seem to paint him in the aesthetic sphere with Erland, but Gabe also says, “A woman’s love and a man’s work are mortal enemies.” And because of his interest in the ‘pleasures of the flesh’ to inspire his poetry, his work begins to “dry up” because of their dwindling passion. His actions are also similar to Erland the seducer in that Gertrud discovers that Gabe had steered the relationship to create the illusion that it was Gertrud who left-when in reality she finds it was he pushing her away.

Gertrud’s attitude towards love changes in the film and we are led to believe that her final embodiment of it is the best for her and a high and estimable standard. She says early in the film, “Love is suffering. Love is sadness.” and it seems that along with the sadness, there is no joy, but that changes in the epilogue. In a very Kierkegaardian fashion, when there are flashbacks in the film, there is an abstracted quality, an unreal feeling. Through the use of lighting and camera technique, the cinematography takes on a dreamy quality. For the epilogue too, this technique is used. It seems to hearken to Kierkegaard’s idea of ‘recollection’ as being projected in the past and future. In the epilogue we learn that Gertrud has lived completely independent of men and has learned, “Amor Omnia”, that “love is all”. She is not unhappy, and quite content living the solitary life. Not only has she found happiness in releasing herself from the past and from dependence on others, but we find Gustav and Gertrud’s secret admirer have also. All three at different times come to destroy the fetishes of their love-letters and pictures. As they do so, they free themselves from the ‘hoarding of an objectified love’ in the style of Kierkegaard’s seducer. As the movie closes, our attention is drawn to the beauty and religious nature of Gertrud’s new found faith/love of which she says, “there is nothing but love” with the herald of ringing church bells. Lars von Trier uses this same herald for the heroine Bess’ faith/love.

Like any God-fearing Atheist, I recognize Pride as one of the eight deadly sins (Patriotism is the recent addition) and I’m sinning like obesity, baby, with my four quarts of yellow Pride in The Cloud Appreciation Society (TCAS). I am a card-carrying, dues-paying member (seriously!), and if you have any self-respect left in that amoral empty soul of yours, you will join TCAS quicker than I can fill my water-bed with Pepsi (fourteen hours, eighteen-minutes, 6225 12 ounce cans).

And now, for your eyes only, porn from the Clouds That Look Like Things thread on the TCAS website. If you spooge or get wet or your nipples harden or your ears twitch or whatever being turned on does to the physical you, I understand. Don’t feel bad about your desire. Shame is for losers and Mindflowers readers have won seven of the last eight Triple Crowns (Note: Many Mindflowers readers are, in fact, horses).

[Apologies for the abundance of numbers and measurements in this posting; I spent today writing grants and Foundations adore quantifiable data. I am stuck in that mode].

clouds-about-to-kiss.jpg
clouds about to kiss
.
the-runaway.jpg
the runaway
.
icarus-in-trouble.jpg
Icarus headed for trouble or a ghostly Afghan Hound
.
lying-down-on-a-cloud.jpg
lying down on a cloud

You Are Such A Brick Ryan McGivern

A pin dropped in a Greek amphitheatre I’m told
can be heard.
Who’s bringing pins there I’m not sure.
Maybe Athena, that goddess of household crafts.
That same pin driven into my eyeball
could be felt by me.
Whether in Greece or not.
Who would drive a pin into my eye,
I’m not sure.
Maybe Ares, that god of war and all around asshole.
And blind I may soon become, but I need it this way.
Ares’ way.
And you, you brick, make at once a prison wall
and cathedral tower.
Chartres and Babel.
You’re warm in the sun and I’ll
hide prayers in your cracks.
and like the tarot card, lightning will strike
you and “XVI” will appear above you
and I’ll come streaming out of you,
falling forever frozen in the air.
Tripped on the stumbling block

and crushed under the foundation stone,
I may soon become, but I need it this way.
Your way.

Dear Buril,buril.jpg

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Hot, sticky, lots of flies, mosquitoes, sweaty. And how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Seven ways. I won’t enumerate on that for the moment.

Your eyes remind me of two soggy Cheerios floating in a sea of creamy breast milk. Your ears are like two beautiful butterflies copulating on a midnight rose.

You are welcome to any and all of my pistachio shells, but donations are welcome and accepted. I (hope) we will remain together in love forever and a day.

I remain yours,

Earl Cheesesteak

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