The scene is a Holiday Inn hotel room. There are two full size beds in the room. The outline of two figures can be seen under the covers of the bed closest to the bathroom.
Michael: [sits upright, the covers slide off of his body revealing an overweight man with a mustache, disheveled dark hair, shirtless] I have such a headache.
TipTop: Well, color me surprised.
Michael: [snags a 1/3-full bottle of Jim Beam from under covers; takes a swig] Do you have any pot left?
TipTop: Well, you are certainly a delight. A ‘good morning’ would be nice. Or….or….
‘happy birthday, TipTop’….(sniffs as tears come)
Michael: Fuck you, Tip Top. Where’s the god-damned pot?
TipTop: [gets out of bed] I’ve got to be at the circus soon, so you’ll forgive me kind sir if I go make myself breakfast. Oh, and my first session with my therapist is tonight, so you’ll be on your own for dinner.
Michael: Now what am I supposed to do here all day alone? Does Holiday Inn have Skinemax? I sure could use some Real Sex … Hey, wait TipTop, don’t leave yet, I’m sorry I was cranky. I’m better now. I’ll tell you what, come home right after the circus, skip the therapist. Your brain is just fine. We’ll do Korean take out.
TipTop: Y’know, it’d be nice to be able to believe my lover and Rabbi, but I can’t.
You promise me Korean now, but I have the hunch it will be like the promise you made not to shave off my beard after slipping me date rape drugs.
Michael: That beard made you look like a woman. Hey look, Tip Top, I tied my dick in a knot!
TipTop: Michael. Listen to me. [Sits on corner of bed] You stole my heart at my bris. You stole it again on our honeymoon in Akron. But unless you can prove to me in the next 40 seconds that you love me, I’m going skip my therapist session and jump on a Greyhound.
Michael: [finishes the Jim Beam, smashes the bottle against a nightstand, stabs his hand repeatedly with the bottle remnants without making a sound; all that remains is a bloody stump]
TipTop: Good! You’re on the right track. 30 seconds left. . .
Michael: [sprays in blood, "I love you more than my fear of death", on the large ovular mirror above the dresser]
TipTop: Well, okay…that’s good too. You’re getting sooo close! My three chambered heart is pounding! Ten seconds to go!
Michael: TipTop, I got you a birthday present. [Michael gets down on one knee, reaches under the bed and snags a small red box]. TipTop McKenzie, I know we’ve been through thick and thin and, wait … how much time to I have?
TipTop: Five seconds.
Michael: Happy goddamn birthday, TipTop! Will you marry me?
TipTop: [opens the box; take out a massive diamond] Oh my Jesus! What the fuck, Michael? Where did you get this? It’s a blood diamond isn’t it? I mean, it’s covered in blood!
Michael: Don’t worry your pretty little ass about that. I love you Tip. Say yes?
TipTop: There comes a time in every circus midget’s life when he must decide between the right thing to do and the romantic thing to do. And my choice is…Yes!
JJ Stein and Ryan McGivern