Travel


It is snowing in Seattle and has been for a week.  Initially it was idyllic, brightening the gray Seattle winter.  But now it has turned to muddy ice and slush and going outside is a messy occupation.

Thus, let’s journey back to warmer sunnier memories, my trip with Courtney up the Washington Coast on July 4th.

We took a ferry and met some wind

We took a ferry from Anacortes and met some wind.

I look like one of those trolls.

My hair reminds me of those toy trolls.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I go here.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I go here.

I think this was Anacortes.  This band has some groupies.

Inside Port Angeles. This band has groupies.

Some sort of Beauty Queen, perhaps sponsored by The Flying-O Truck Stop.  Walking on the boardwalk on heals is an ambitious pursuit, and enteraining to walk behind.

Some sort of Beauty Queen, perhaps sponsored by The Flying-O Truck Stop. Those yellow shoes really ties the outfit together, don't ya think?

Walking behind

Walking on the boardwalk in heals is an ambitious pursuit and entertaining to walk behind.

This fellow was tempting fate.  I think his name is Travis.

This fellow was tempting fate. I think his name is Travis.

Fools in love!!

Fools in love!!

Someone had fun illustrating the dangers of electricity.

Someone had fun illustrating the dangers of electricity.

If this were my mother, Id be a different person.

If this were my mother, I'd be a different person.

The man and baby on the right got style.

The man and baby on the right got style.

Then we went to some hot springs and met a naked hippy and some Minnesotans and this woman who just loved to hike.  Oh, the sweet smell of sulfur!!  It brings me home.

Then we went to some hot springs and met a naked hippy. a hot and heavy couple, some Minnesotans and this woman who just loved to hike. Oh, the sweet smell of sulfur!! It brings me home.

Here are the Minnesotans.  They invited us to some Tex Mex!

Here are the Minnesotans. Beth and Liz invited us to some Tex Mex! Although in the photo it looks like Liz is grilling sticks.

You know, taking our own picture.

You know, taking our own picture, awkward style with one arm pointing the camera towards us with little or no accuracy.

Time for some wine on the beach!  Biatch.

Time for some wine on the beach! Biatch.

Playing in the sand, in case you couldnt tell.  We were making mazes for miniature sand crabs.

Playing in the sand, in case you couldn't tell. We were making mazes for miniature sand crabs.

A tasty finale!

A tasty finale!

Improv Everywhere is better than toasted English Muffins with Nutella and sliced cherries.

We’ve been deluged with money saving tips here at MindFlowers.
Are we that obviously broke? Well, with arrugula and gas prices out of control, I thought
I’d post some of the great ideas that will go down easy on the pocketbook.

“My husband and I take a bath together and tell the kids to play outside for an hour.”
-Tess B.

“These gas prices are just horrendous! So, instead of taking a long driving trip, we load up our Yukon and hitch our Focus on the back, tow it up to the cabin and then take mini driving trips around the lake. We also like to save money by buying our top hats in bulk.”
-Lily W.

“Usually, to save money, my wife and I will get in a fight about finances, lack of sex, or whether to raise our kids Jewish or Catholic and I end up staying a few nights at my buddy Jared’s. Its pretty cool: he’s got XBox and doesn’t care if I pray the Hail Mary over his toddlers.”
-Sean MacMalhoney

“To me everyday is a Staycation.”
Grandpa Theo, Oak Haven Senior Care Housing

5:00 am: JJ awakes to baby birds chirping on his window sill.
He uses an eyedropper to feed them mashed up mealworms.
6:20 am: Ryan wakes up wet again.
6:28 am: Ryan goes back to sleep.
10:30 am: Ryan visits the Encino Sperm Bank and is happy to find the new issue of High Society is in.
10:31 am: Ryan sheepish hands over an empty collection cup to the kind Nurse/Sperm Wrangler, shrugs and says, “Uhh, you’ll need to change the bed sheet in Collection Room Two.”
10:32 am: JJ tells a co-worker, “Sure I can refill your stapler!”
10:33 am: Ryan wanders round the corner from Encino Sperm Bank to Starbucks. He orders a cheesecake danish, knowing he is allergic to wheat and dairy and would experience diarrhea in a few hours. He swallows the pastry in two bites.
10:36 am: Ryan gets in line again and orders another danish.
10:36 am: JJ helps an old woman across the street.
10:42 am: Ryan sees a woman sitting at a small round table by the front door. He stares at her breasts, muffin top, back breasts, and hamhocks as he stuffs the second danish in his mouth.
10:42 am: JJ picks up some litter and places it in its proper recycling bin.
11:03 am Ryan gets caught staring at that woman. She says, ” Can I help you?” Ryan says nothing and stands up, revealing an erection.
11:04 am: Ryan jerkily walks over to the garbage can and looks inside. He pulls out a soggy newspaper and leaves, muttering something about “teases”.
11:04 am: JJ calls his grandmother to remind her to take her medication.
JJ and Ryan McGivern

Get ready for Jesus’ return!
Make your plans to spend the Son of Man’s glorious return along with
me, Ryan McGivern and the rest of the mindflowers.net team
in Frankenmuth, Michigan Saturday May 21st, 2011.

Call 1-800-Fun-Town today to plan out your weekend now!

May 21st 2011 in Frankenmuth Michigan will feature the World Expo of Beer: a great
two day festival of the world’s finely crafted premier beers. Expect the beautiful setting
of Heritage Park along the serine Cass River to welcome you with the sounds of Polka, hearty laughter, and good friends to reconnect with.

Also expect the return of Jesus, the warm hearted Nazarene, as he comes to shine mercy and grace upon Earth in a rule of justice, equity, and shalom peace.

“Remember to Make Summer 2011 a Summer to Remember!”

General Beer Expo admission cost will be around 1,200$ (adjusted for inflation) but the
sight of Jesus lovingly floating through the sky over Green Acres Golf Course, Fortress Golf Club, and Timbers Golf Club will be priceless!

(The golf near Frankenmuth is exceptional. Once global order and justice is made by the King of Kings, only expect it to get better!)

Join me, Ryan McGivern, JJ, and Lo Liz in Frankenmuth Michigan May 21st, 2011!

World Beer Expo Info 
http://www.frankenmuthfestivals.com/
1 800 FUN FEST (386 3378)

Are you one of those who goes to uneasy sleep each night wondering when Jesus is going to come back? Do you want to enjoy a whole expo of world beers as He floats down from heaven? Here’s all the info you’ll need to get ready for MAY 21st, 2011, the day Jesus’ll come back.

  • Matthew 24:37 “As were the days of Noah, so shall be the coming of the son of man.”
  • Genesis 7:4 “For yet seven days and I will cause it to reain upon the earth.”
  • II Peter 3:8 “Forget not this one thing, beloved, that one day is with the Lord as
    a thousand years.”
  • It is known the exact year of the flood in Noah’s day was the year 4990 BCE. Thus, seven days, 7000 years. Thus, if you add 7000 to Noah’s flood date, you get 2011. The extra year is accounted for in the ‘zero’ year between BCE and CE.
  • Hence, May 21st 2011 is the day Jesus is coming back.

For more information on Jesus, email davidto216@sbcglobal.net

I say let’s all plan on spending the day of infamy at the Frankenmuth World Expo of Beer, in Frankenmuth Michigan, taking place during May 20 and 21 2011.
http://www.frankenmuthfestivals.com/?subpage_id=2009
http://www.frankenmuth.org/
http://beer.about.com/od/beerfestivals/gr/FrankFest2007.htm

Frankenmuth Michigan: the only place to be when Jesus comes back.

Ryan McGivern
www.myspace.com/mckibbon

In the Clouds

cloud
“Listening to the Earth”
photography
Robert and Shana ParkeHarrison

GroverAre you a student in grades Kindergarten through 12 looking for only the finest public education available? Then consider Cleveland County Schools in beautiful North Carolina.

Cleveland County makes other county schools look downright pathetic. Take Grover Elementary School as an example: We’re named after Super Grover, people. If that’s not a ‘10′ on the ‘cool school meter’, we don’t know what is.

Some county schools may say: “Come learn from us!” Not us. Here in Cleveland County, we say: “Let’s have a learn-tastic dance party!” We see our students as our equals. In some school districts, if a second grader was to walk into class and say: “I want to create world peace.” the school district would scoff in their cherubic face. Not Cleveland County Schools.

We’d begin a hunger strike until world peace was created.

We’ve got a lot of pride in our schools. Shelby High School is like Mount Olympus, filled with gods to be worshipped. Burns Middle School is like Ben and Jerry’s “Everything But The…” Ice Cream: more awesome than the best dream fantasy conjured by a magical unicorn princess.

That’s right. A magical unicorn princess. Top that, Gaston County!

With all the voices of public education vying for your allegiance, it can be hard to make the School District choice that’s right for you. So, let’s make this real easy. Here’s a list of some of the features Cleveland County Schools will bring you:

  1. We’ve got our eye on that bully.
  2. We can guarantee that our libraries will have at least one Harry Potter book available at all times.
  3. Diorama-mania!
  4. Cleveland County Schools, as of the last inspection, are completely poltergeist free.
  5. Crest High School football team. ‘Nuff said.

Wherever you do decide to receive your public school education, we wish you the best. Seriously. Good luck to you. Just don’t come crawling back to us when you won’t be accepted at Duke and end up at some dump like Emory.

Ryan McGivern

Me: www.myspace.com/mckibbon
Best School District Ever: http://www.clevelandcountyschools.org/
Best Ice Cream Ever: http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/item/52550.html
Unicorns (magical, princess, and other): http://www.unicornmuseum.org/
Crest Football Schedule: http://www.clevelandcountyschools.org/schools/chs/fbv.asp
Super Grover: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ieO8MGbZgU8

airport(presented in non-chronological order):

3. The lady with the window seat drank four vodka tonics and passed out. I’m the nearly sober one who spilled my fucking tomato juice all over my her Hustler magazine. Who the fuck buys porn in an airport, btw?

4.There should be a “New Passenger Orientation” so experienced travelers don’t have to learn about how to buckle their seatbelt for the trillionth time.

9. Middle seat = claustrophobia. Window seat = carnival ride in the clouds.

2. George W. Bush probably reads USA Today.

6. Airplane seats go back all of three inches. Why is this comfortable (it is)? And why is it such a danger for seats to be slightly tilted during takeoff and landing?

7. Flight Attendant is such the party lifestyle (a different city every night which means few consequences for debaucherous behavior) and pilots are notoriously unfaithful to their wives.

1. Airports are a lot like purgatory, and most people are sleepwalking. I witnessed a guy waddle into a bathroom, squinty red beady eyes, probably seconds from REM sleep. After about thirty seconds and a few blood curdling screams later he lunged out of the womens’ restroom, very awakened.

10. During 9/11, passengers allegedly used their cell phones during flight. Conspiracy theorists doubt this point. I tested this several times during my plane rides. I never received even one bar.

8. The Detroit airport is badass with their half a mile tunnel stretch of surrealist mood lighting and experimental music. It is amazing how many people still don’t pay attention:

big and tall

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day. I didn’t find this out until I went to Casual Male Big and Tall to check out some stretchy slacks as a Christmas present for my Grampa. After 4 bus transfers, an uncomfortable walk past a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf where one of my old girlfriends works, and a near fatal run in with a speed walking mom with an aerodynamic stroller, I found Casual Male locked up tighter than a Glendale Galleria security guard’s knickers (just because you’ve had to ask me to not loiter in front of Cinnabon doesn’t mean I’m a bad person). I stopped another speed walking mom who passed by (its Glendale people. There’s more speed walking moms here than square feet on Reese Witherspoon’s forehead) and asked her:
“Do you work here?”
“What?”
I guess the place really was closed. Veteran’s Day is a real downer. Everything is all locked up, keeping you out as though you’re the villagers in Dustin Hoffman’s “Straw Dogs”, and what kinda holiday is Veteran’s Day anyway? Haven’t those Veteran’s done enough damage already? Who’s starting all the wars in the world? Veterans. Who’s making the Unified States of Americaland out to be a buncha jerks by going and starting all those wars with Iraq?

Those jerks.
(Iran, don’t get cocky. You’re next.)

Veterans should never have been given a holiday. They should have stuck to what they know best:
Appearing in cool movies by Ken Burns or lending their advice to cool WWII video games to make them more realistic.
“On this level, I think that the player should drive a tank, operate an anti-aircraft gun, with which to desimate a German battalion, fly a bombing mission over Dresden, and machine gun their way through some trench maze, all within a span of 4 minutes.”
“Would one soldier really have done all that in 4 minutes?”
“How you think we won, whippersnapper?”

The greatest irony of all is that my Grampa is a veteran. He fought for the Kaiser in WWI. He’s even lending his help to the new PS3 video game ‘Kaiser Lacheln und Gluck’

Ryan McGivern

Casual Male Big and Tall: 340 N Glendale Ave., www.casualmale.com
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf: 300 N. Glendale Ave., www.coffeebean.com
Glendale Galleria: 2148 Glendale Galleria, www.glendalegalleria.com

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